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Right.

And you’re the dude who signed them.

So where does that leave us?

i was also magically lobotmized when i signed it and didnt

but im guessing it leaves us probably having 2 rewrite that section cuz i failed 2 mention at the time that as a robot, i cant perform half of the sex acts specifically mentioned

n c that kind of thing could cause problems if we DO end up fucking, cuz im pretty sure it included that bjs were def a thing u expect

i dont have a mouth

or any other holes or orifices at all so

thats a thing

'Lobotomized' is one word for being drugged past the point of recognition. It’s good that nothing happened. Can’t imagine the person I was then would have allowed it to go past handshakes and high-fives, anyhow.

And I don’t expect anything. That’s the point. Cover the bases if we frack (can’t swear, you know what I’m trying to say), don’t lose sleep if we don’t.

Doesn’t really matter how it goes down. The list was boilerplate standard. I’m sure you’ve seen it before.

But since we’re on the topic, what *can* you do?

yea even doped up on magic shit i tend to focus a lot on one person, i have my favorites

and that aint u, buddy!

dont get me wrong, ur hot and all, but u got that strong silent thing going on n thats boring as hell in bed

i mean parts of me vibrate and ive got robo-tentacles so....

No offense taken.

And don’t worry. I’ve got knock-knock jokes to keep you on your toes.

Haven’t done anything with tentacles since my tour in Japan. Most I can do is electrocute and make you feel like shoot

sheesh*

shiitake mushrooms*

for a while after. But electricity doesn’t mix too good with your type. Gonna leave that one off the table.

yea

gonna say this once n not again so learn it first time

unless ur a sim urself...DONT EVER USE ELECTRICITY ON A SIM! an unregulated current into 1 of us is basically like jabbing us with an elephant dose of heroin laced with draino

u dont wanna kno what i did 2 the only dude stupid enough 2 try it on me

Don’t throw electroshocks at an electrobot. Got it. Thanks for the tip. Couldn’t have figured it out on my own.

Seriously, Jack. I’m not going to zap you. Any of you. I don’t want you dead, and I think I’ve had my fill of monster killings for the time being.

And contrary to popular belief, I don’t find murder to be all that sexy.

[ He’s read the fanfics. He knows what people think. ]

wasnt talking about me, wasnt gonna say anything but u brought up robots n electricity

also ur just wrong there, murder is hella sexy! first thing i did when i was back 2 normal

murder followed by grate sex!

So you talked to Harley. Doesn't matter if you don't believe me, but I'll tell you anyway: it was an accident.

[ Unlike with Adeline, Slade won't blame Harley for throwing the first punch. ]

Funny. Murder was also on my agenda. Didn't end with sex, but murder alone rarely does it for me.

i sure did, cuz she IS my favorite

but like i said, i promised 2 stay out of it

the murders like the foreplay. u tag team it, make it a couples activity! then ride the high thro awesome sex

She's favorable, yeah.

But killing is a job. It's taking out the trash and washing your hands afterward.

Foreplay is a sparring match. Or a fight in the kitchen, but only when you're both in on it. Don't need corpses; those are a dime-a-dozen. A good challenge has more merit.

u say that like a job cant be fun!

foreplay is also tandem strangling a dude while looking into each others eyes. gets all the gears going, juice flowing! plus power n control r always sexy as hell, n killing sum1 is all about power n control! ur literally controlling the end of their existence n exerting power 2 unmake them from life

if thats not a rush, i dunno wut is

Not why I kill people.

[ But the rush does just sort of happen. Sometimes. It’s a case-by-case basis with that one. ]

But sure, tell me all about your latest power trip and how you probably get off on telling people they’re fired. Seems like a thing with you corporate types.

i regularly kill ppl, wut makes u think firing anybody does sumthing 4 me?

and ur missing my main point anyway, about how its sexy doing it WITH ur special fuckbuddy! its about sharing the experience, showing off 4 em, watching them show off 4 u...

fan-friggin-tastic!

Is that what the moral of this story was? I’ll keep it in mind.

If someone’s special, they aren’t your Smurfbuddy. If it wasn’t clear before that we operate differently...

The only person I’d “show-off” for is my wife.

i think the moral is just that i really like sex and killing ppl

beg 2 differ, just bcuz 2 ppl arent at a place in their lives where theyre looking 4 commitment and romance and shit doesnt mean theres nothing special there

an awesome n super cool amazing smart as shit gud friend whos also friggin hot n ur smash buddy AND wants 2 kill losers with u? can b a pretty friggin special thing

yea well my wives r dead

[ The real moral of the story is that Jack takes his relationships far more seriously than Slade ever has. ]

Opposite. A Smurfbuddy is just that. You Smurf around at 2AM and that’s all there is to it. I wouldn’t call in a Smurfbuddy to have my six in the trenches.

I’m saying 'special people' get their own category. [ A category that, back home, was home to a total of only two people. Here, the jury’s still out. ]

Anyway, I’m not here to talk semantics of whatever label you want to give Quinn. My job is to kill people, not to give you Snorky life advice.

u can b fuckbuddies and still have each others back

sumbody can b a fuckbuddy and a special person

the label is fwb 4 ur information, ur the 1 making it all weird

also snorks and smurfs r totally different freaks of nature

pick 1 4 ur euphemism

FWB?

I wouldn’t use euphemisms at all if it were up to me.

Think I can make a guide for you, though:

- Smurf around. Smurf-up. Smurf off.

- You’re full of Snorks. This is bullSnorks. Your taste in music is Snorks.

See the difference?

fwb

friends with benefits

u kno, when u have a smurfbuddy ur friends with

yea why the hell cant u use normal grown up words anyway? but that does help, thanx 4 that!

and my taste in music is fantastic

Can’t relate. Friendship is an unnecessary risk.

I’m an angel. That’s the best I’ve got. Woke up with a PG-13 filter about a month ago.

Dunno your taste in music. You know Queen?

oh god ur 1 of THOSE assassin types

thats dumb, angels arent a real thing, they were aliens

yea i kno queen

who the fuck born post-1970 doesnt kno bohemian rhapsody?

You mean God *didn’t* send his angel children down to Earth to Smurf all the women (Genesis 6:1–4)?

Don’t know how much Earth music made it to your moon colonies. Don’t know anything about your world, for that matter.

Besides copious amounts of murder. You’ve mentioned that.

gods just something dumb primitive humans made up

but i dunno, there could have been sum alien/human smurfing back in the day

lots of stuff made it 2 space! im not from sum other world, im from the future

A god that performs miracles and smites people for 'distributing free literature,' maybe. Gotta start questioning things when god turns folks into angels, robots, and demons.

Good. So I won't have to introduce you to Pink Floyd, Eric Clapton, and The Stones.

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