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[thedifferencebetween]

Handsome Jack here! I'm way too busy being awesome to answer the phone, but tell me why you're calling and if you're important enough, your people will hear from my people.

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[thedifferencebetween]

"Ehhhhhh." Jack waggles his free hand. "He got the job for a reason, he could live up to the original. Or close enough. He did! After a while, I mean. At first...."

He laughs, thinking back all those years.

"But it took him a long time to get the playboy aspect of being Handsome Jack down. Holy shit...you shoulda seen him the first time he met my ex. I think I've mentioned Moxxi? I dunno, I can't remember. She was this...technically a bar tender, but she had her hand in a lotta pies. Gambling, pleasure trade, bloodsport... anyway. He takes one look at her - or at least her tits, cuz they were always threatening to jump out of her corset - and just starts babbling! Literal babbling! 'Uh, um, whu, you...huh....' and then he just blurts out a friggin marriage proposal! Needless to say, she was not interested. Besides, she'd already had the real thing."

And screwed that all up, idiot.

"So yeah, that's Tim and the ladies. I tell ya, I dunno what he's paying the hot stripper he's shacking up with, but it's gotta be a lot! He's not that good in bed."

[fingersandteeth]

Steven snickers. "My god. Literally the first time? God. That's just-- he's supposed to be an actor and he can't even keep his role straight the first time he runs into someone attractive? He can't keep from falling apart just because a pretty girl almost fell out of her top? God. What a moron." He takes another pull on the joint, another smoke-filled kiss, before laughing again, more sharply this time.

"My god, he really is just... God." He strokes Jack's cheek. "And you," he says fondly. "You ridiculous egotist. You fucked him, huh? Just because he looks like a younger version of you?"

Yeah. High or not, he caught what you accidentally implied there.

"I mean, it could be hot to watch. Especially if he had his mouth full, so he couldn't flub his lines again."

[thedifferencebetween]

"Honestly I wouldn't call him a moron. He's no genius, but he's not an idiot. He's just...I dunno, I guess getting stuck on the casino messed him up. He's not the dude I left behind, let's just put it that way."

Of course there's also his previous time in this world, and....all of that. Ugh, so much crap Jack has to undo.

"Eh, who haven't I? And gimme some credit. He's my doppelganger, Steven, the other me. Dude probably knows me better than anybody else who's still around. We were buddies. Before the friggin terrorists got to him last time, he crashed at my place a bunch and worked with me and everything. We've got history. He's just...screwed up. Needs to get his head back on straight, that's all."

But yes, it's hot that he's Jack's own mirror image, of course that is.

"And he doesn't look that much younger than me. Like a couple of years at best. And he always looks tired all the time, and he doesn't use any product, so actually, I probably look younger."

[fingersandteeth]

"No Pokemon Botox, huh?" Steven says, looking back at Jack with an air of amusement and superiority. Yes, he knows what you're doing with that jellyfish thing.

There's something that getting high does to Steven's voice, Steven's accent, shifting the vowels a little, some of the consonants too, even as he keeps to the standard English rhythm of his speech.

He laughs again and caresses Jack's cheek. "Just look at us," he says, a hint of wonder in his voice. "You're being the nice one about someone. How did that happen?"