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Handsome Jack - Hero of Pandora ([personal profile] thedifferencebetween) wrote2018-06-07 12:35 pm

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Handsome Jack here! I'm way too busy being awesome to answer the phone, but tell me why you're calling and if you're important enough, your people will hear from my people.
fantabulousandwich: (C'mon Sweetie)

[personal profile] fantabulousandwich 2020-09-08 02:50 am (UTC)(link)
[She has to reach behind her to stub the cigarette out in the ashtray; but Harley's eyes stay on Jack, lit up and thinking. The smile spreads over her face again; and she puts her hands on his cheeks, cradling his face between them.]

Course they didn't, Handsome. Look what you did. Look how much you accomplished. [The submission kink, the specifically professing a liking for bad-ass women who order him around- even the liking it rough. Emotional and verbal abuse at the very least, probably physical thrown in as well.

Freud was almost never wrong.]


Oh they were all freaks. It's just that they had a few good points to throw in there, too. [Her hands go back into his hair, brushing over it.]

Let's just take one more little short-cut; cause I'm stuck on this one, Handsome Boy, and it might be a biggie, you know? You- you didn't kill everyone on that planet with your big scary robots and then strip-mine the rock that was left of all its resources, did you?
fantabulousandwich: (Aw c'mooon)

[personal profile] fantabulousandwich 2020-09-08 03:59 am (UTC)(link)
[This time it's Harley who settles some; her shoulders let go of tension she hadn't noticed she was carrying, and she eases back a little, letting his hands take some of her weight.]

Okay, well- that's good. I mean it's not great; 'colonizing' historically doesn't have super great connotations, at least in my point in humanity's history- but that's workable. [She shifts again, curling to sit sideways in his lap, so she can lean against his chest.

Which just brings blue metal back into her field of vision; Harley wrinkles her nose at it.]


... You know I'm kind of a psycho bandit, right? I mean, I know we touched on this before. Stealing is one of my many fine talents. Back home I once flipped my way through a laser hallway to steal a diamond as big as my fist, among many other excellent capers. Last one I ran before I wound up here found me stealing a kid out of lockup and protecting her from a whole city of thugs because she'd swallowed a damn diamond that was the only key to about three hundred million bucks. And then we saved the day and I stole her and the rock, again, from the actual rightful owners.

[Leaning close, she murmurs into his ear.] And I'm not exactly what we in the business refer to as 'stable.'
fantabulousandwich: (Giggle)

[personal profile] fantabulousandwich 2020-09-08 05:33 am (UTC)(link)
All right, you know, that's fair on the colonizing. [Her brow's furrowed thoughtfully again.] So you really do mean it, that these guys went full on feral? But they were like, human beings? Not aliens? That's- that's so weird. Like I've seen people whose higher functions have degenerated that much, but like, as individuals. Not as some kind of systemic issue with the Genpop, that's- that's just weird.

[But Jack is very effective, as far as distractions go. There's an answering giggle, Harley hanging on to his shoulders when her balance shifts, and feet come off the sofa for a moment.] Aw, Handsome. Think you might be my type, too.

[Which is to say, charming, dangerous, narcissistic, competent, and giddy on a - well earned, in fairness - power complex. If he'd been the one who'd wanted to take control, that first hook-up, Harley might've been totally gone. Which is just as well; since gone ain't what she's looking for.]

Which reminds me- I'm, uh- just to be up front about it, I'm not- so much in the market for a relationship, at the moment. I still want to be friends- good ones, the kinds with all kinds of benefits. Just- I'm recently out of a pretty intense long-term relationship, and I'm still kind of sorting through all that, so, I'm not so much looking to attach any strings to anything. I, uh- hope that's cool.
fantabulousandwich: (What was that?)

[personal profile] fantabulousandwich 2020-09-09 02:15 am (UTC)(link)
[He doesn't get an 'I'm sorry for your loss;' but he does get a sympathetic hum, Harley curling a little closer, letting her hands rest against his choice.]

That's rough stuff, boyo. The roughest. Before we broke up, I spent like two months thinking my Puddin' was dead. You watch a helicopter crash and burn, you don't think anyone's going to walk out of it and come break you out of prison, later.

[She should probably tell him not to buy her anything... she's an Independent Woman now, after all... but hell with it. Who turns down presents? Instead she reaches up to press her fingertip against his nose.]

Suppose I'll have to find something nice for you in return, if you do. And ooh, same! I bet you got some of the kinkiest stories, being here for so long- hey, that reminds me- did you sleep with that white-hair angel boy? Slade Wilson- feathers, halo, couldn't crack a smile if his life depended on it? He said he knew you, but when I asked if you'd hooked up he wouldn't answer.
fantabulousandwich: (Aw c'mooon)

[personal profile] fantabulousandwich 2020-09-09 03:25 am (UTC)(link)
[That actually gets a giggle out of her.] Nah; I was just looking for the goss. I'll be honest, Handsome, I kind of just assumed. You don't give off that 'two dudes sitting in a hot tub five feet apart cause No Homo' vibe... Well okay, scratch the hot tub part I guess, but the point is- [She shifts a little against him, just to tease.] You're definitely more of a 'variety is the spice of life' kind of man.

No- I don't get that vibe off him, either. Not sure that man's interested in anyone. But he is good at problem solving, I'll give you that. We're from the same place, sort of knew about each other in- professional circles, you might say.

[She ain't going to out the man as Deathstroke, not when he's clearly trying to keep it on the down low. And because the name wouldn't mean a damn thing to Jack. But-] Between you and me- the man's worth his weight in gold. If you got him handling your problems, they won't be problems for long.

But, more importantly- what the hell is a flying cat chick when she's at home? Was she like- like a sphinx, or something crazy like that? [Harley's wracking her brain for the last time she read a bodice-ripper that had fantasy in it.] Or, what're-they-called- a griffin? I think the griffins are the cat-birds, right? [Her eyes light up.] Did you do it mid-air? Because that would be sick as hell.

[Credit where credit's due- Jack has pretty effectively distracted Harley from looking down at the thing that is definitely not her leg. And she doesn't even have to worry about his legs going to sleep under her.]
Edited (Formatting fail like woah) 2020-09-09 03:25 (UTC)
fantabulousandwich: (Ooh!)

[personal profile] fantabulousandwich 2020-09-10 01:45 am (UTC)(link)
That's us; Gotham City represent. You do our kind of business, you tend to learn the Who's Who of who's out and about. [Well, okay; she'd definitely heard of International Assassin and All-Around BAMF Deathstroke. She's pretty sure he'd heard of her. And why wouldn't he? Maybe she's a local girl, but she's still Harley Freakin' Quinn.

But then her eyes light up, all kinds of distracted.]
That's so cool! I'm so jelly; the closest I've come to low-g banging is doing it in a pool; which is fun, but it's not really floating, if you know what I mean. [Her teeth catch against her lip, and Harley reaches to trace her fingers of the long of Jack's jaw.] I've never even heard of a manticore. But she sounds hella fun. She still around? She- you know- single?

[She's only half-joking. Some smart hot lady running around with fur and weird parts? Harley'd give it a whirl, at least the once. But for now, her smile softens a bit, brushing her thumb against Jack's mouth.]

... Thanks for coming over, Jackie-O. It's nice to have friends; especially ones as fun as you.

[It's still jarring, turning to see pale white skin and pale blue metal. It still seems wrong. But at least she doesn't want to instinctively crawl away from it anymore.]
fantabulousandwich: (I am SO good)

[personal profile] fantabulousandwich 2020-09-14 04:36 am (UTC)(link)
[Harley pulls away for a moment, just long enough to give him a good look, up and down; even as her thumb lingers, tracing the line of his lower lip.] You had a crazy ex with a sexy old timey clown with big guns shtick? ...Boyo, you got a weirdly specific type, anyone ever tell you that?

[But it's not long before she's snuggled back up. Harley's a touchy-feely kind of girl, what can she say?]

So, what, your record's- [She has to stop and count on her fingers.] ... Five? Different types of- people, here? Six, if you count me? I bet I could beat that. [Her fingers trace the line of blue light, around his face. Did she even want to know what was making the light? And what the hell had he meant, some face stuff?]

You, uh- I mean, since you mentioned it and all- you think you might go out- you know, like, prowling around- sometime soon? Cause- it does sound like a swell time.

[All right, Harley's not exactly modest- but there's a difference between 'rob a bank with me' and 'can I watch you eat someone sometime soon?' Cut her some slack, it's her first time.]
fantabulousandwich: (Oh?)

[personal profile] fantabulousandwich 2020-09-14 05:27 am (UTC)(link)
Terrifying women is one thing. Terrifying women with a thing for greasepaint is practically a fetish. [Not that Harley's done the greasepaint thing in awhile. She hadn't really needed it, after her jaccuzzi night in Ace Chemicals; plus it's murder on the skin.

Her breath catches a little, at the offer; and the ends of her hair start to curl again, shifting restlessly. Fingers glide away from the seam of blue light, when he doesn't nudge up into her hand.]
Really? That sounds- [It sounds great, actually. She's already been curious about what he can do- and what's better than death to get the blood going, remind you you're alive?] Sounds like a riot. And I don't got work for a couple more days, so- I'll be there with bells on.

But I'm not a robot. I mean, I got some- you know, I got some issues that need to get worked out. Some pieces that got- replaced- but I don't got these. [She taps his temple, where his wires hide.] I'm mostly just a flesh girl. Not that that'd stop us from having freaky robot sex, just- you know. Figured I should mention.
fantabulousandwich: (Aw c'mooon)

[personal profile] fantabulousandwich 2020-09-14 06:10 am (UTC)(link)
Two chicks with greasepaint, Handsome. [Harley taps his nose, then taps her own.] In my younger days. These days I hardly need it; I get plenty of clown jokes just walking down the street. Or at least I did back in Gotham- here not so much. [Which might be worth considering, now that she thinks about it.

But another time. Now, Handsome Jack is offering up information. About himself. And even if she couldn't have guessed from the content, it's not his favourite thing to share. Harley gives him a long, thoughtful look.]


So that's what fell off? That- does actually make me feel better about losing my own. [Her fingers stroke his cheek instead, not going near the line of light this time.] Limbs I get; how the heck can a face be cybernetic?

[She could ask, about the long ass story. But, if he'd wanted to tell it, he wouldn't have glossed over it, would he?]
fantabulousandwich: (Aw c'mooon)

[personal profile] fantabulousandwich 2020-09-14 05:03 pm (UTC)(link)
All right, well, you've got me there. [Harley's pretty sure that she's never worn anything that would qualify as ringmaster of a Victorian Porno Circus. The Victorian part, at the very least... Although it sounds killer. Maybe she should look into that.

Her fingers stay slow and careful, following his lead, tracing the hinges.]
So all the pros of the OG face, none of the messiness of skin grafts. And you got to keep those cheekbones. Got to say, Handsome, you'd make a killing, where I come from. People would be lining up out the door.

[Her fingers edge toward the line of blue light, but don't actually touch.] So is that what's under here? Your r- uh, other face? [He hasn't had a mouth to kiss her with all this time, has he? Like Harleh cares abput scars.]
Edited 2020-09-14 17:04 (UTC)
fantabulousandwich: (Big Smile!)

[personal profile] fantabulousandwich 2020-09-14 11:22 pm (UTC)(link)
Sure, people who need one. But what about people who only want one?

[Harley is, by nature, an incredibly nosy person. Comes with the therapist territory, really; you want to know people, learn them, figure them out. But she also knows when not to press. Instead of asking anything else, her touch withdraws even further; fingers stroke over the hinges, skipping the edge if the mask to trace the port that houses his wires.]

Bespoke faces, for everyone who doesn't look the way they want to. A cheaper line of off-the rack looks, maybe inspired by the Handsome man himself, hmm? Where I'm from, a lot of people've paid a lot of money for physical perfection.

[It's not a topic she has a lot of interest in; she's just making conversation, listening to the bits he lets dropped. What happened to the man? Fire? Laser blast? Futuristic alien bug monster?]

And then you wind up here, and you get a real mask. I'm telling you, Handsome; if there is a Fog God- which I'm not holding my breath about- she has a mean sense of humour. She'dve gotten along with my ex.
fantabulousandwich: (Ooh!)

[personal profile] fantabulousandwich 2020-09-15 12:30 am (UTC)(link)
[By the end of this mountain of important information, Harley's flopping back into her own seat so she can lean way back, hands up like she's trying to stem the flow.]

Okay, woah; this is a lot. Like a lot a lot. [Her legs cross over his lap, and she leans forward until her knees are against her chest.]

One, what the hell is a kraggon. Two- she's real? Like, a person. Like you can talk to her and she talks back? What the hell is her number?? Because believe you me, I got some things to say to that particular woman.

[It's nice that Jack has people! People and family are important. But Harley's down her own ward- who she does not want showing up here, thank you very much- down her hyena, and down her freaking leg. And there's a real face she can take a baseball bat too?? Why didn't any of those damn pamphlets mention that!]

Three- does your music collection include anything from the American 1980s or 90s, because don't get me wrong, Ella Fitzgerald? The Ink Spots? Total classics. But I miss Madonna almost as much as I miss my boy Bruce, Handsome; if you can play me Vogue or Express yourself, I might legitimately cry.

And four- you got a kid? [Her face brightens into a broad, beaming smile.] Aw, I bet you're the coolest dad! All super hip and wild! Rooms and rooms full of the best fashion- getting her a flying car for her Sweet Sixteen- ripping apart any boyfriends who get too fresh. What's her name? How old is she? You got her picture?
fantabulousandwich: (Uuhhh...)

[personal profile] fantabulousandwich 2020-09-15 01:30 am (UTC)(link)
Oh. Okay.

[Even her hair seems to slump a little, slipping limp down her back.]

Sorry. Didn't mean to touch a sore spot- I mean, I get it, I got people I don't want to talk about neither. [None of whom where here, which seemed- weird. Unlikely there'd be corporate spies or assassins- or all right, assassins hired to take down the Handsome Fam anyway- wandering around the peninsula.

And really she'd just been trying to compliment him some more, and now things are all awkward. You're the host, Harley girl; find a way to fix it!

There are only a few seconds of uncomfortable silence; and then Harley pulls away, standing and crossing to her desk. She scoops up the hyena figurine in one hand - and scoops up the bottle Jack brought along, because it looked yummy as hell- before returning, settling in her old position cuddled up close with her legs across his lap. The bottle is set on the coffee table for the moment; and she holds up the action figure. Up close, the hyena is wearing a tiny pink collar.]


See this? This is Bruce. He's my bestest boy in the whole world- whole wide multiverse, now, I guess. [Harley turns him over in her hands, one fingertip scritching behind his ears like somehow, wherever he is, he'll be able to feel it.] The asshole who sold him to me had him in this cage that was way too small for one hyena and all of his mess; and then he tried to get me to pay in sex. [Her nose wrinkles, but a grin starts to curl at the corners of her mouth.] So I killed him, chopped him up and fed him to my new boy. Brucie likes to change things up from dog kibbles now and then.

[Harley doesn't have kids to offer stories about in return to hitting too close to home; the closest she can come is Cas, and fair play to Jack, she's like hell telling anyone here about Cas. But Bruce is almost like a kid. She has to feed him and clean up his poop, and that's basically parenthood.]

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