thedifferencebetween

I mean, aliens don't screw everything up, it's probably not fair to judge all species from other planets on the basis of certain species being hell-bent on ruining everything.

Oh, dude, you've gotta tell me about your space station. That's awesome.

... That kinda just sounds like people, you know? Like they were acting like... people. I mean, I don't always wanna do work but that doesn't mean I should have my free will ripped out, right?

Yeah, you said something about getting dinosaurs from eggs... Dude, I really gotta get myself some eggs.

Ah ha ha...yeah, give it a couple thousand years. Trust me, aliens always screw everything up. I've dealt with'em enough, I know what I'm talking about.

[Of course the only real aliens Jack's familiar with are Eridians, but as far as he can tell, those are the only aliens there are. Probably.]

Oh man, Helios is amazing. Biggest, most advanced space station there is. We've got entire floors that are just terrestrial habitats. The most development and research labs of any facility, Hyperion or some other assholes. Biggest mall in the galaxy. Over a dozen orgy rooms. Medical facilities that'd blow your mind!

[It's clear that Jack really, really loves his space station.]

Okay, but you weren't soldered together out of scrap metal and programmed to be a garbage can. Trash cans and toasters and shit aren't supposed to have free will. It's way better to just not let them develop free will in the first place.

Oh, yeah, all Pokemon come from eggs. All of them.

I mean, I'm not gonna argue because I dunno what the aliens are like where you're from, but I dunno. Doesn't seem right to assume they're all gonna be evil.

I dunno, dude- if my toaster wants to develop free will, then fuck yeah! Live your best life, toaster! Like, that's awesome, at least from a scientific breakthrough perspective.

... All of them? Even the ones that look like mammals? [Newt looks at his Espurr curiously.]

They don't gotta be evil to screw everything up. Aliens are...they're alien! They don't think like us or see the world like us or anything like that.

[He's not sure Eridians have the capacity to be 'good' or 'evil'. They just are. And they do their own thing and people either get in the way or don't.]

Well, yeah, but from a practical running a company standpoint? Sucks major bullymong balls. There's plenty of people making like...other kinds of robots that have AI. Hell, sexbots is a huge business. But Hyperion's not manufacturing labor or defense bots with self awareness.

[Not anymore.]

Yup. That came out of an egg. That was laid by another one. Have fun with that!

I think it should still be like, a case-by-case basis, though? Like, figure out if they aliens are gonna fuck with you or not first, don't kill them and ask questions later.

[Newt winces.] ... Oooh, I do not like the thought of sex bots with self awareness. That's like, literally the worst.

That is like. So weird and I gotta find out more. I'm definitely buying like, ten eggs as soon as possible.

Honestly, I've never seen the appeal of sex bots in general. It's creepy! There's plenty of actual people to have sex with! I mean...I see assholes and weirdos who get laid all the time, no matter who you are, there's gonna be somewhere out there who'll bang ya.

[When the food's dropped off, Jack orders another round. This is just nice, being able to hang out in a bar and have an adult conversation.]

Plenty of people sell'em. And you're new, a coupla folks might shoot ya some free eggs. They all take different amounts of time and shit to hatch, but if you wanna train a Pokemon up from infancy, that's the way to go.

Oh, God, yeah. The idea's creepy as hell no matter what, but the thought of them being, like, self aware? Gives me chills.

[Honestly, Newt's still getting used to having conversations again, period. The novelty has definitely not worn off.]

Damn. Put that on a t-shirt or something. It's almost inspirational. Makes sure all the dicks in the world know they're fuckable to someone out there.

What kind of setup do I need to raise Pokemon from eggs? An incubator, probably, if I can even afford one. And I'll have to figure out their dietary needs per species... Oh! And how long does it take for them to be old enough to, uh, battle?

I mean I guess you can look it like...the shittier places are better off with sex bots? I've got nothing against the sex trade, I've known plenty of sex workers of all kinds, dated plenty too. But...when you start getting into pleasure facilities and that kind of thing, it can get...not sexy. Exploitation isn't hot. So I mean a self aware robot is a step above an enslaved human being, at least. But yeah, no, my company only makes one kind of sex-bot and it is very specifically programmed.

[And that's different. They're sexbots of him, because there's just not enough of him to go around. Back home, anyway. And they sure as hell aren't made with AIs. Just the specific, necessary programming. And also they aren't even on the market yet, they're for the pleasure dome in Opportunity.]

[That's likely never going to happen now, but Jack prefers not to think about that.]

.....no. Okay, so...abandon everything you know about how biology and evolution function. Just knock it on out of the old skull there and start with a blank. Because all you gotta do is carry the thing around with you. Stick it in your bag and you're good to go. You can battle the thing as soon as it pops out of the egg, it just won't be very good yet.

Yeah, yeah, I getcha. The sex trade is a nightmare of exploitation but I've got nothing against the people who go into it to make ends meet. And as weird as it is, a sexbot's definitely not the same as a human being exploited for money- but still, it's awful.

... Wait, seriously? A newborn can fight?

Newborn Pokemon ain't like regular newborns. It's...

[Jack sighs and throws up his hands. He knows how crazy it all sounds, he does. He's been there.]

They don't grow up like animals do, they hatch and they're the size and shape they're gonna be till they evolve. Then there's a flash of light and bam, they're different.

I know I sound drunk, but I'm not.

That's... Really weird? But awesome? They must fully develop while inside the eggs, then. Kinda the opposite of marsupials. Instead of being born as little wiggling embryos, they're fully developed and ready to go.

Yeah, that's the theory. Hey, drink up, we can step outside. I wanna smoke and I got some Pokemon to show ya. I don't got any that just hatched or anything, but I got some neat ones. My dragon, my fire unicorn, my electric sheep - hey, hey, you might get a kick out of this.

[Jack leans over the table, grinning a very self-pleased sort of grin and half chuckling.]

My electric sheep, right? Guess what I call'er. Guess. I call'er...An Android's Dream!

I mean her name is Cherub, my remaining kid named her, but I call her An Android's Dream as a nickname. Cause she's an electric sheep!

Oh my God, that's amazing. Holy shit. I can't wait to see her.

[Newt takes a sip of his drink, and then pauses. He's not sure if he should bring it up, but...]

.. Your... remaining kid?

Yeah, she's pretty neat. More cutesy than I go for, but...

[He has his reasons for wanting one.]

Oh, uh, yeah. One of'ems not here anymore. Ironically, that was my biological daughter. Diana's adopted, but that don't make her any less my kid. You may have seen her around the network, she's a mouthy thing. Takes after her old man!

[Arguably more than Angel ever did, at least openly and obviously.]

She picks me up Pokemon sometimes, she wanders all over with this pink haired chick she's super into. But she stays with me a bunch, too. Hell, used to have a whole little perfect TV family here...my two girls, some other kids who were always hanging around, my husband...

Now it's just me and Di.

[Okay, one more drink before Pokemon show and tell, Jack needs it.]

Oh- I'm sorry, that sucks. At least you've still got one of them, though.

I've heard a little bit about people leaving this place, but also that it's not something people really decide they wanna do? And they just up and disappear without warning. Is that true?

Yeah, you just...poof. I dunno, it sucks, but that's pretty much how it happens. You never know when you're gonna lose somebody, and you're gonna lose a lot of people here.

[Jack knocks back his drink.]

A lot.

Jesus.

It's something I'm pretty used to, you know, uh- the possibility of people I care about just. Gone. But at least there's a tangible reason. Even if that reason is, you know, "got eaten alive by giant monsters"- that just- really sucks, dude.

[This is genuinely Newt's best effort at being comforting, which is kind of sad.]

Yeah. Yeah, it really does. No clue why some people vanish and some of us just stick around for years and years and friggin years.

[Jack stands, gesturing for Newt to do the same.]

If ya can't tell, I've been here for years. Multiple birthdays. And I still couldn't tell you how shit works. This is the weirdest friggin planet...

[It doesn't make any sense to him, it still doesn't. Even all these years in Team Rocket, with access to all their research, he doesn't get it.]

But screw that depressing stuff, let's show off our Pokemon.

Who's been here the longest? Aside from, like, the people who were already living here before people like us showed up. Unless everyone here is from another universe? Eh, I dunno.

[Newt stands up immediately at Jack's last statement, his Espurr mewling in surprise as she gets jostled around on his shoulder. He scoops her up and cradles her like a baby.]

Hell yeah, dude! I'm, like, so ready for this, you have no idea.

No clue. But yeah, there's locals. More locals than not. I think the longest anyone's been here's a decade? But don't quote me on that.

[This is just what Jack has heard, and it could be one of those 'girlfriend on Eden' kind of deals. Just something somebody claims.]

[Once outside, Jack pulls out one of his pokeballs and tosses it into a nearby open area to let out his shiny Charizard. Sure, Newt's seen it on the 'gear, but that's nothing like getting a look at the real life thing.]

[All six and a half feet of him, currently snorting and flaring his wings.]

There he is! My Warrior!

Huh. Was that person, like, the first person brought here, or were there other people here first who just didn't stay as long?

[Newt makes an excited little noise as Warrior appears. There are stars in this man's eyes and he is practically bouncing on his feet with excitement.]

Holy shit. Holy shit, can I pet him?

No idea. I think it's only been happening ten or a dozen years, though, so maybe.

[It's not something Jack's ever investigated, and it's nothing Rocket has info lying around on.]

Sure, knock yourself out! Shit, you can ride him, if ya want. He's friendly. Enough. I didn't bring any of my nasty ones - I got some that are kinda battle hungry, if ya get my drift? Warrior though, he's cool. He was a tiny little thing when he hatched! Looked kinda like a dinosaur.

[Newt reaches out one hand to tentatively, gently stroke Warrior's snout. His eyes wander to Warrior's unfurled wings.]

He's gorgeous, dude. Those wings are a little smaller than I'd expect for an animal so big, so he's gotta have some powerful goddamn muscles to be capable of extended flight. Does he have hollow bones? Wait, nevermind, you said something earlier about not, like, paying attention to stuff like that- but they've gotta be, right? You know, some people have calculated that if a human had wings, the wings would have to be at least 7 or 8 meters long to carry our weight, thats like at least 20-something feet in length, and that's not even counting the weight of the wings themselves, which probably wouldn't even be able to fly due to their size- and you look at that, and then you look at this guy, and just- holy shit, how does he do it? And it's not even something you'd think about, you'd take it for granted like, yeah, of course the dragon can fly, water is wet and all that, but it's really so fascinating to take that into account and then look at stuff like him and wonder how the hell he's able to do it! It's like he's a miracle of nature, you know?

[Jack has successfully unlocked the "Never shuts the fuck up" mode on Newt.]

Wow, whoah, okay. Calm down. We gotta get you on decaf! Uh...yeah, I think hollow bones. But strong? 'Cause yeah, I can ride him. And I mean...uh...probably something to do with the fire? Heat? Heat rises...I dunno.

[Jack's just spitting out logic that makes sense to him. Boy, Newt is really excited about this Pokemon, and it's not even the weirdest one Jack has to show off.]

But yeah, he's got weirdly small wings. Flies like an ace, though! Here, lemme show you the electric sheep.

[And he tosses out another ball, letting out his particularly dainty Mareep.]

I'm already on decaf, my dude, it's never helped a bit.

[Newt finally leaves Warrior behind to get a closer look at the Mareep.]

Ohhh, look at you! You're so cute! Hey, will petting her, like, electrocute me or something?

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thedifferencebetween - 2018-08-14 17:20 (UTC) - Expand

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kscience - 2018-08-17 02:27 (UTC) - Expand

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