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[thedifferencebetween]

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[fantabulousandwich]

By now, it's not the view Harley's staring at; it's Jack. He sounds like- "You too?" It's out of her mouth before she can stop it.

Yeah, okay, she knows she should have talked to Jack about this already. He's the resident expert here, maybe he'd have had answers. But the more Harley struggled with it, the more it seemed like there were no answers, so how much help could he be? And aside from that- Jack was where things were- nice. Almost normal. They could relax and she could drink or smoke, or they could have sex, or Jack could putter around doing Jack things while Harley read one of her electronics textbooks, and she didn't have to worry about competitive angels or whoever might be using the kitchen today, or even putting on makeup or pants if she didn't feel like it.

It was hard to give that up. Felt too much like rocking the boat, and why rock the boat when things are so good, and it wouldn't benefit anyone but her?

But now they're talking about it- it's out in the open, and even if neither of them have said the words- he gets it. He gets it.

"I can't- Jack, I can't. She's not me. This," Harley gestures down at herself, "Is me; bossy and brash and inclined to make jokes regardless of the appropriateness of the moment. I'm me. She thinks- she acts like I'm sweater she wears when it's cold out. She thinks I'm just a program. How- how can I work with that? How can I accept it?"

A deep breath, and then she keeps going, before he can answer. "And what if it's all the time? The- the other stuff."

[thedifferencebetween]

"I know. And this is me! But so's that part of our brain that's a computer now." It's not something he admits often, and he doesn't even think there's anyone left now who knows. Really knows. Maybe Tim. He never told him, but...the dude isn't a total moron, and they lived together for a while.

And now Harley knows. Which...yeah, sure, she probably should, she's normally a sim. It's not like she wouldn't have figured out for herself that he's got shit going on in there, too.

"But again, it's the logic thing. You existed for decades before becoming a sim, that's an indisputable fact. Your brain, your body, all that stuff was there first. That's inarguable. I get having an emotional reaction to the brain voice, but emotional responses don't matter, that part of us doesn't do emotion. If anything it makes it easier for that part to have more control. But logic and fact...those are your weapons and tools in keeping yourself a mostly unified self!" Mostly.

"I guess it depends on exactly what stuff we're talking about. Mine...it comes and goes, it's not always active. I mean I'm gonna guess it's the whole obedience thing. That...that's pretty common."

Unfortunately common.

[fantabulousandwich]

Weapons is what makes it make sense. Sure, that's not what Jack meant- but in Harley's mind, at least, this is still absolutely a fight. And doesn't she always try to play people's own games. It's the same for the machine who thinks she's people.

"I am trying. I mean- sort of. I don't hear her, but we've- figured out some stuff. I can leave messages for her, and turn myself off, and she'll do it- so- we're getting there."

Hang on- "Are you frogging kidding me? It's COMMON?! What kind of horseshoes is this?" There is literally nothing she can do, in the moment, but cross her arms over her chest and have a full on pout. "Other people grow fangs and tentacles, we grow a freaking compulsive disorder?? That's so- agh!"

Her halo is glowing brighter now, as her voice gets louder with each semi-swear word. Between that, and the lashing tail, and the way her wings are fluffing to try and make her look bigger- Harley is the picture of one pissed off angel.

"Mine is all the time. All the time. Any direct order, and if I don't do it, I have a forking panic attack. That's why I dared Slade to go robo in the first place, he was so sure I should be able to just- forking deal with it!"

[thedifferencebetween]

"Holy shit, it sucks to be you!" Jack makes a whistling sound, shaking his head. "I'm...I'm real sorry about that, sweetheart. That really blows. But yeah, yeah. It's the thing we don't talk about, for obvious reasons. None of us want that getting to be common knowledge."

It's...it's a hell of a weakness. And one that's way too easily exploited. Jack wraps his arm snugly around Harley, pulling her close.

"But hey, now I know, and I can avoid telling ya directly to do something. Cuz it...yeah. I've been there, I don't like it, I don't wanna deal with it ever again." But he will. He's not stupid enough to believe he's in full control of his emotions, that he's not gonna lose his temper and snap over.

But hey, he doesn't have to deal with it all the time.