thedifferencebetween

"Jack?" Steven asks, in a quiet, serious tone of voice as he looks up from the screen of his pokegear. "Just why did everyone on Pandora have to die?"

This has been... god, it's been a hell of an evening. He'd been looking forward to doing a fun group activity with his boyfriend, some other friends and a friendly stranger (or two)--to finally get to tabletop again, goddamn it--and everything had gone to hell.

But god, was it that unreasonable for him to assume that he didn't have to announce Jack's possible presence every single goddamn time he did anything?

"What?" Jack just glances over, eyebrows raised. "Oh, you mean the bandits and cannibals? Cuz they're bandits and cannibals that were constantly murdering and eating actual citizens just trying to make something out of the planet. Once ya start spit roasting babies and skinning other people to wear their skin, you've pretty much just stuck a giant sign on your head that says 'I'm a massive threat to society that needs to be taken care of'."

Why is he suddenly having to defend his position? Why does he so often have to defend wanting to wipe out the people who do nothing but murder and dismember everyone they look at?

"And there's way, way more of them than there are colonists. I'm sorry, is it a revolutionary standpoint to wipe out the dangerous threat that's decimating your people and burning your colonies?"

Steven just looks at him. "Jack," he says, evenly. "I don't actually expect you to know this, because fuck knows how much history actually survived into the future, but I am literally descended from an indigenous people who got colonized. And, okay, fine, also the people who colonized them, but most of this?" He gestures to himself. "Didn't come from the conquistadors. So when you're talking about wiping out dangerous threats, using that kind of rhetoric, I've really got to make sure. Were these bandits and cannibals native to Pandora?"

"Native? No! There's no native people of Pandora, there never was. The bandit and cannibals clans are the leftovers from Dahl or Atlas or they ended up there cuz no other planet wanted'em and Pandora's where the worst of the worst go to do their thing. Pandora's like the drain trap of the galaxy, all the trash and waste just ended up there."

The idea of 'native peoples' is one Jack has a hard time wrapping his head around. All of humanity colonized everything. Because nobody else was using it.

"...And I'm including my own dregs here, there's plenty of assholes down there who used to be Hyperion and went rogue cuz they didn't like all our rules. Oh and the anti-Hyperion terrorists, they've made Pandora their base because it's currently under Hyperion's banner."

Steven just looks at Jack for another long moment, before nodding. "Okay," he says, letting out the breath he'd been holding in. "Right. I just... had to check, you know? Because Maya said you were killing them because they weren't people to you—that anyone who gets in your way isn't a person to you—and that didn't sound like you? You don't need to pretend that people aren't people to kill them."

"Maya also killed hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of my people, and was part of that anti-Hyperion terrorist group. They all crowed and screamed about 'helping the planet' but you know what they did? They fucked with whatever Hyperion stuff was around and left. 'Helping Pandora' was just a convenient excuse to mindlessly destroy everything that is mine."

Jack shakes his head. Maya. It's always fucking Maya. He doesn't even mess with her, the worst he's done since they came here was insult her some. But she's made it her mission to ruin every single relationship he manages to make here.

"And she's still doing it. She's still....I leave her the hell alone! I'm fine with just doing our things and mostly ignoring each other. But she...did you know she goes out of her way to smear me to everybody she finds out is a part of my life? For fuck's sake, obviously I don't need excuses to kill people! I mean yeah, you eat babies and live in your own shit, you're the lowest friggin tier of humanity and I'm not affording you any rights, but it's not like I need an excuse to want to wipe out people who have face skin pizza parties!" A pause. "I feel the need to clarify that's a pizza party where they wear their victims skinned faces on their own, not that they're eating pizza made of face skin."

And the fact he needs to clarify that really says it all, as far as he's concerned.

Steven gets up and places a hand on Jack's arm. "Hey," he says. "Hey. It's-- I'm not mad at you, bebe. I'm not. Killing an entire planet seems kind of excessive and, I dunno, maybe there's a debate to be had about basic human rights, even as applied to cannibal squatters, but... I'm not mad. I'm not. Just..."

He runs his other hand back through his hair. "Okay. This sort of came up with Connie too when you were warning us about Tim and I'm sure you're not doing this on purpose? Or even would... well, get why some of the ways you phrase things when you're talking about those asshole squatters can set off warning bells in our heads. Because, again, like I said, this is all ancient history from your perspective, even if it's not so much from ours.

"But, like, you know how we're from basically the Dark Ages, when people would just... shit on other people because of their color or sex or the people they have sex with? Me and Connie... the people we come from are people who had been living somewhere for, well, thousands of years, before some other assholes came in, conquered them, and planted some colonies there. It's not like Pandora where there were just some random assholes squatters. These are actual people with, like, actual histories and civilizations and shit.

"But the thing is, they'd justify what they were doing to our ancestors the same way you talk about why you're trying to get rid of your asshole squatters. So... it sets off those warning bells anyway. And that's why I had to check. Okay? I told you, bebe, I'm not mad."

And he's not. Frustrated as hell with Maya and the entire goddamn situation, but... not mad at Jack. He knew Jack had blood on his hands. Maybe not this much, but he knew. And there was a huge goddamn difference between trying to genocide an entire population because you didn't think they were people and killing the same number of people because they were asshole squatters destroying your property.

It's not like Jack was some kind of Space Hitler.

"Okay?"

What even is this conversation? Jack just shrugs, not really needing the history lesson, but fine.

"I mean...obviously those are two different things. I shit on people for good reasons! And nobody's doing anything to any native populations, there aren't any. Eridians used to live on a bunch of planets, but they yeeted off to another dimension a long time ago. Also they're horrible reality bending aliens, so..." Definitely not 'people'.

"I'd figure that much would be obvious. I don't give a shit what anybody is or where they come from - if they're on my side, we're cool, if they're not we're not. I live by a very simple philosophy, babe."

Which boils down to most people, in general, suck major bullymong balls and are expendable.

"Yeah," Steven says, relieved. "I know." He leans over to kiss Jack's cheek, to further emphasize how not pissed at Jack he is. "Like, evidently you killed Maya too or tried to or something? Which is fine, really, given that she's a terrorist and you were defending your company. But... it would really help me if you could tell me in advanced who has a grudge against you here, so I know not to bother with them—or if I know them already, keep you guys apart."

"I dunno. I woulda said just Maya, Krieg, and Tim but I dunno who the hell they've been talking to about me or what they're saying." Jack shrugs again. He honestly doesn't know who has it out for him these days.

And it's stupid, because what is he even doing these days? Nothing awful! He's been making efforts. Why the hell can't they make any? And they still insist he's the bad guy here.

"Assholes. Sorry your game's ruined, I...I really didn't expect that to go down like that."

His tone is off hand and a bit dismissive, but the fact that he made some sort of an apology at all is more than Jack usually bothers with.

And it wasn't even his fault!

Steven moves to kiss his brow. "Yeah," he says, softly. "They are. And-- it's not completely ruined. I don't think Allura is going to quit on us. Three's enough for a party, even if it's on the small side. Maybe some of her friends... I mean, I barely know Maya, anyway. Armin's a gaming friend--we've been playing long-distance chess--but if he drops me over you, then he wasn't worth being friends with."

He pets Jack's hair. "At least you're willing to put old shit aside, bebe," he murmurs. "That-- it matters to me, you know? That you're trying. Even if they're not."

"And I don't even know her, so..." Not that that always matters, Jack has learned.

"And I am! I leave them the hell alone! Okay, so I sent a couple glitter bombs, but come on! That's kiddie shit, that's nothing! I mind my own business, I'm perfectly polite when we end up dealing with each other, and I sure as shit don't go hounding all their friends to tell them what fuckheads they are! And I don't even do it for them, I do it cuz my daughter asked me to, and she's a hell of a lot more important to me than grudges from back home!"

That he can't even follow through on anyway. He leans back against the couch, tipping his head up and sighing heavily.

"It's hard being me, babe. C'mere, I wanna cuddle."

Steven eases himself down onto the couch, leaning against Jack so he can sling an arm around his boyfriend, resting his head on Jack's shoulder.

"I'm glad you're trying for Angel," he says, softly. "I really am. She's a good kid. I mean, she thinks I'm too nice for you, but-- Well. It's not like she's had the opportunity to meet me when I'm not being nice."

"No, she's right. I don't mean you're too nice for me, I just don't have a track record of dating nice people. You aren't my type, I don't usually go in on people like you. You're...all full of feelings and shit. But whatever, I'm not bound by a type. I'm really into you. There's a future here. And maybe it's good for me to have a nice guy. You're still a ruthless friggin predator."

Jack leans casually and comfortably into Steven, resting his own head against the other man's. Though now his mind is on something else entirely, because...why is Angel commenting on a relationship Jack never even told her about?

The obvious answer is Steven brought it up.

"Speaking of...I dunno how much you and her talk, but...it's kinda weird when I haven't even introduced you two yet. I hadn't even told her about you, I just mentioned I was seeing somebody. We...I'm not gonna get into it, cuz it's family stuff, but we've got a rocky relationship that I'm working hard on repairing. And I know you're real friendly and you probably wanna make my kid feel comfortable with her dad's boyfriend, but...there's a lot there, Angel had a tough life, just be cool. And let me tell her shit about my life."

"I mean, we haven't talked much. The second time mostly happened because she'd been surprised I knew what Bunkers & Badasses was," Steven says, softly. "And I told her, privately, that you'd told me. Uh. Only I said 'your father' instead of Jack and she said she was surprised you'd mentioned her and I said I'd asked about her picture and that I didn't know much, but you'd told me she was the 'best fucking kid.' And then I... kind of apologized for not letting her know I knew that about her when I first talked to her over the 'gear, because that seemed like what a good person would probably do, and in the process I-- kind of admitted we were dating. Which was when she said I was too nice. But, uh, I didn't say much more. Just-- said I wasn't, really, too nice for you. Because you are capable of being kind. You're kind to me. And that I hoped that she and I could be friends or at least not enemies."

He's quiet for a moment. "I hope that wasn't too much? I just-- I don't know. I've never dated a guy with a kid before, even an estranged one. I've barely dated, you know that. Just... a little bit in college, my ex-, and a lot of hooking up around that."

He squeezes Jack's shoulders. "Can I ask what your exes were like? I know I babbled about mine that one time, after I strangled you, but I've just realized I barely know anything about yours. I mean, you know, only if you're comfortable."

Edited (typo) 2020-03-21 04:14 (UTC)

Jack groans.

"Okay, first of all, yeah, that's a conversation I should be having with my daughter. You admitted it yourself, you know next to nothing about her or her and my relationship. I will let you into this part of my life when I am ready. I think it'd be pretty clear by now that a lot of my shit is very private shit. Especially when it comes to my family. Just...learn how to pull in your friggin reins, Steven."

He charges into things. And there's plenty of times that's great, it's the right call. Not when it comes to Jack's business. That's his, he controls how much is shared and exposed and when someone gets to come a little further inside Jack's circle of trust.

"Secondly, I don't have exes, I have dead spouses and significant others and...no, wait, amendment to that statement, I have one 'ex'. Moxxi, I've already told you about her. She was a backstabbing psychopath who wore clown makeup all the time and had huge tits, nothing more to tell. Here's the thing, babe. If you don't know about something, there's a reason I haven't told you. I get you are, but I'm not super big on the deep personal sharing this early in a relationship. And on top of that...like I said, pretty much everyone I cared about at any point in my life is dead, so it hurts and upsets me to talk about them."

This? This is why Steven doesn't date. Well, no, he didn't date for a whole lot of reasons, of which only one is that he's terrible at being in relationships... but it's pretty obvious that he is utterly horrible at it.

"I'm not either," he says, numbly. "I've— never shared so much shit with anyone I've been with. God— I'm even doing it with you. Everything I've been doing— Fuck. I don't. I don't know how to do this, Jack. I don't know how to... be honest with people about myself and not end up treating them like— like the only person I was ever honest with before. And I told her everything. Almost everything. I don't know how— I don't know how to shut up when I'm not faking things."

"I mean share away at me, babe, I'm not telling you not to. I might veg out sometimes in the middle of long stories, but I only have so much of an attention span, that's nothing personal. Part of having a genius brain." And sometimes stories got very long. Not just Steven's, people in general. Jack can only focus on other people's problems and lives for so long.

"See, this is how it goes. This is why I'm sitting here explaining myself and clearly establishing boundaries. Communication is the key to any good relationship. We're communicating. You've got to calm down about all this. I know you worry, but trust me, I'm too invested in this to drop you over bullshit we can work out."

"Thank god," Steven breathes, closing his eyes. "Right. So. Just-- wait until you're ready to tell me about things and people. Don't push. And-- let you handle Angel from now on. That's-- that's fine. I can do that."

It... does feel nice to know that Jack is invested. Not that... not that Steven didn't sort of know he was, but it's good to have it acknowledged. And maybe it's just that the sex is really good. Maybe it's just that Jack enjoys having someone around who's already figured out most of the right ways to flatter him. Maybe's just...

Honestly, it's probably because Jack was lonely before him. He'd known that since the night they went to bed.

"I don't-- I don't think there's any I want to set in exchange right now," Steven says quietly. "But I'll let you know."

"There we go. See, communication. You can't have a relationship without communication. But I think in general, ya know, overall...you really gotta relax, babe."

He gets worked up over things he really doesn't have to. And sure, Jack sort of gets why, but really...he's not Steven's ex. Nobody's keeping any secrets - while there's plenty Jack hasn't shared yet, it's not out of any desire to keep anything secret. But sharing anything tends to bring questions and conversations and he just doesn't like having those.

"Oughtta get a stress ball or something."

That gets a tired sort of half-laugh from Steven. "I'd rather have a stress neck," he says, "if we're being honest. Where I wouldn't have to worry about stopping." He rubs his cheek against Jack's shoulder. "If we were in your future, you'd get me someone, wouldn't you? It wouldn't matter who. Not really. I don't think I'm that discriminate of a predator anymore."

IC Inbox

action; forward date to the failed D&D session aka THE FIRST FIGHT

CW: mentions of gore and violence

Re: CW: mentions of gore and violence

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... wait, are they not GOING to fight after all? oh my fucking god.

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