thedifferencebetween

"I know, I know," Steven says wearily. "I've been trying not to. I haven't talked to him of my own volition since that lunch that went wrong. I've only even talked with him in person when he made it completely unavoidable by physically cornering me so I couldn't leave without asking him to move or shoving past him."

Which Jack should know had happened in Cianwood and Steven had sworn up and down he'd put on his best Nice Steven as possible to make a few pleasantries before asking Solus if he could move aside.

Steven sighs. "This time it wasn't in public. I was coming down from the roof on my break and he-- blocked me from going down the stairwell. And when I asked, he refused to move." He pauses for a moment, trying to think of how best to phrase this, then shrugs.

"I threw him down the stairs."

"Oh for..."

Jack sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. He's of two minds about this, and just needs a minute.

On the one hand...the idea of Steven throwing that pompous fuck down the stairs? Priceless. Friggin hilarious, he doubts Steven got it on video but he wishes. He hopes the lickbag went ass over head.

On the other...dude's probably gonna be pissed off, and Steven absolutely played into what the asshole wanted. He lost his cool and lashed out.

"Lot to unpack here, babe, lot to unpack." How much of a problem is this gonna be? He doesn't know. But if the other guy makes a fuss...well, Jack knows how to quietly handle problems.

"I mean...yeah, normally, right move. Some shithead's being all biggest cock in the chicken coop or whatever, you knock'em down a few pegs. Sometimes literally! But I'm pretty sure he wanted you to lose your shit, that dude's into some freaky mind games, I think." He's known the type, it's a familiar vibe.

Steven sighs. "Yeah. Yeah, I figured that out afterward. I-- don't think he expected me to lose my shit quite as hard as I did? He looked... surprised when I grabbed him to bring him close and threaten him. And then when I threw him down the stairs right after. And when I kicked him when he was down."

He worries his lower lip between his teeth before saying, in a hurry, "But damn it, Jack, it felt so good in the moment. So goddamn right. And then when I followed him down and I put my foot on his throat-- God. I almost stomped down, you know? I almost really put all my weight in to crush it. The only reason I didn't is that he'd have healed it all anyway if I'd have sent him to the Pokecenter. And I didn't want that. I wanted him to-- remember. To know I did this to him, when he didn't even think I was a person. I wanted him to remember with every shred of pain in his body."

He smiles then, sleek with predatory satisfaction at reliving those moments. "So I started to kick him instead. Everywhere it would hurt. Ribs, knees, balls, everywhere. He couldn't even walk when I was done. He-- he had to get that poor asshole Estinien to pick him up. I know, because Estinien asked me to sign him into the Radio Tower." He chuckles. "I told security that an elderly grunt had fallen and Estinien was his next of kin. It was-- almost true."

But then he sobers. "But yeah. I know. I fucked up. And I'm-- I'm sorry for all the trouble it's going to cause. But... I'm not sorry I did it. Not when it felt so goddamn right. When I feel so goddamn right for having done it."

"Objectively ya did good, babe! In general theory? Loving what I'm hearing here, don't get me wrong. Just...lay low, see how it plays out."

Which Jack is curious to see, himself. He's been keeping his eye on this guy, trying to figure him out. It's not easy, he's not sure what to make of him. But the more he sees, the better of an idea he gets.

"I'm not pissed off or anything, just...less than thrilled about potential fallout. But we can deal with that if we have to, don't worry about it."

What's the dude gonna do? It's not like he's been around long enough to build up allies or resources or a bad ass team.

Steven nods. "I won't," he promises—and duty to his Alpha discharged, he lies down on the other half of the couch so he can lay his head in his boyfriend's lap.

"I don't think I've ever done anything like that without work at an excuse," he says, thoughtfully. "It was kind of nice to do it for me."

"I bet it was." Jack's already shared his story about taking charge like that the first time, he's not going to bother sharing it again. He settles back, idly playing with Steven's hair.

"And the lickbag deserved it. I don't think I like that guy, Steven. I don't think I like him at all." And this opinion is unlikely to change, as far as he can tell. What a massive dick - and not the fun kind.

Mm, that's nice. He likes that.

"That's because you have good taste in people," Steven points out. "He's— God, Tyler said once that he reminds him of the fairy asshole that kidnapped him and once he did, I realized that's who he reminded me of too. The one who took me. Just the same way he doesn't even see us as real."

After a moment he adds, "I think that made it even better. I mean, it would have been amazing either way, but doing what I couldn't do to my Keeper..." He smiles. "I really never felt so alive, you know. I should just keep throwing assholes down the stairs if they're going to start shit with me."

"It's cathartic. Doesn't matter if you're doing it to who ya really want to, it still gets out some of that whatever."

That's just simple logic in Jack's mind.

"It feels good, is the point. Why do you think I punch a loser instead of going for a Pokemon when we're doing half-ass mafia shit. It feels good!"

Steven laughs, warm and fond, reaching up to trace along the line of Jack's mask. "I thought so," he says, looking up at Jack with hooded eyes. "And I do like watching you have fun like that, bebe. I really do. I like that devilish smile you get. You're right--it does feel good, so good. In so many, many ways." His voice is doing that thing he lets it do when they're alone together, where he lets it move more.

"Actually," he says, brushing his fingers against Jack's lips. "It feels kind of sexy."

Edited 2020-06-04 04:22 (UTC)

"Yeah it does."

Not in a weird way, he's not some kind of freak who's into getting it on with someone he's beating to death or whatever, but it gets the blood pumping. Gets all kinds of things stirred up.

Jack lazily kisses the tips of Steven's fingers. He's obviously in a lazy mood, his quietness - or what passes as such for Handsome Jack - a clear indication. But he's more than happy to listen to Steven go on about this particular subject.

"I mean, I knew that in principle," Steven goes on, almost abstractly, as he runs his finger thumb along Jack's lower lip. "With all the things we like to talk about, of course I would. Talking about it's always been sexy. Sometimes I was a little jealous that you had so many things you could tell me about and I-- well. Spent far too many years behaving myself." Not that Jack hadn't done much of the same, but his own final straw had been so many years ago.

He chuckles softly. "Well. I suppose that's over now. Now that I've been one good stomp from crushing an old man's throat." Another soft chuckle. "Ah, bebe, I wish we didn't have to worry about resurrection here, that I wouldn't get written up for killing a coworker. Because I would have. Oh, I would have."

He smiles to think about it, the expression almost beatific, but then shakes his head. "If I hadn't already been running late to get back to the newsroom... you know, I kept thinking, on my way back from the stairwell, what a pity it was that I didn't have time to call you to come over. You could have got a few good kicks of your own in."

"Nah, that one was all yours, hot stuff."

That's important. A person's gotta do that kinda thing on their own. Like some kind of rite of passage or something. It's personal, in a way, that moment when the switch flips or whatever it is that happens. Jack can't put it into words, exactly, but something happens in that instant.

"That one was yours. And trust me, you're not gonna forget it."

Some things never left. Which was good, because in this world, the memories were pretty much all there was.

Steven closes his eyes--he can still picture the sight of Solus falling, as immediate and visceral as if he'd pushed him seconds ago, not hours.

"No," he murmurs. "I won't. Not ever."

He opens his eyes again, looking back up at the man he adores beyond reason. How did he get so lucky to find someone who always understood these things?

He worries his lower lip a little and tries to see if he can articulate the thing that's in his head. "If strangling that guard for work was like you shooting the Merriff," he says after a long moment, "I kind of think... throwing him down the stairs was almost like you and your CEO. The first was... being startled into realizing how good this shit feels, but the second is just... I don't know. It's like something... it feels like something's more... solid now, maybe? I guess? Shit. I'm not articulating this very well. But you know what I mean, right?"

God, he hopes he does. He's always understood so far, after all.

"It's like I spent the last four--no, god, six--the last six months in this prolonged state of-- fuck, I don't know. A six month internal scream because sure, I was finally free again, but fuck if I knew who or what I was anymore. I'd-- I'd lost almost everything that had driven me before the fairy bullshit, but I didn't... I didn't know what to replace it with. God, I think I'm actually really grateful I got pulled into this world and press-ganged into the PokeMob and not just because it lead me to you. It's given me something to focus on. That helped a little during all those months when I was screaming inside."

He gives Jack a tired smile. "But now... I feel. God. So much steadier. So much better. Like I can finally be confident about something other than sex, you know? And all those sweet things you've been telling me about myself all this time, calling me a predator and saying I'd have killed so many people in your world by now-- they feel real now. You know? I finally feel like a real boy. I feel real and alive and-- and me."

He laughs then, because he can hardly believe what he's saying, but--

"Jack--I think I like me."

IC Inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject