Handsome Jack here! I'm way too busy being awesome to answer the phone, but tell me why you're calling and if you're important enough, your people will hear from my people.
[Luckily for Newt, Jack is far more interested in actual company in the vicinity of his own age than random murder at the moment. Plus the whole murder thing doesn't work here, so he's kind of given it up. Though not for lack of trying over the years...]
[He's also laughing his ass off at the message that pops up.
wow do they have txting where u come from or r u just really this bad at it?
or r u really bad at flirting?
i no i can b an overwhelming presence and evrything but what is happening here? its like a stroke in word form.
lemme fix that 4 u. 'hey dude i'm in cherrygrove, meet u at the bar'. there.
I KNOW HOW 2 TEXT IM JUST NOT USED 2 THESE POKEGEARS YET ADN I HIT ENTER BY MISTAKE AND IM NOT USUALLY LIKE THIS
[thats a lie]
OK. ok. im still @ my new hotel room, are u already in cherrygrove? i'll head 2 the bar soon ive got a cat on my back and its like a crime to wake a cat up when its laying on u and comfy
Mine's pretty cool so far! she's something called an Espurr? rlly cute. i found her in my bag trying to steal my stuff bcause she was hungry and i gave her some food and she decided to adopt me i think
a little bit? Something about them not wanting their ears touched, right? mine doesn't like being pet on the head at all, but she likes being pet anywhere else
someone stole ur pokemon?? that sucks dude
... ok do they LITERALLY shit money bcause thats cool but also really really gross
[The Espurr on Newt's back yawns and stretches, hopping off of him gracefully. Finally free, Newt himself rolls off the bed, wincing at the sharp, stabbing pain in his muscles. God, he really needs a couple days to rest after this.
But the bar trip comes first.
It doesn't take too long for Newt to get ready. He changes into his spare clothes- and GOD, he really needs to buy some new ones too when he gets the chance, but he only made a little change from his first couple battles and he doesn't want to blow all his savings on a new leather jacket. Yet.
Newt wakes up his Tynamo, grabs his Espurr and holds her in his arms, and heads out to find the bar.]
[Jack had hoped the dude didn't know, it's always fun telling people 'hey, mess with their ears, you won't believe what happens!' and seeing how many people do. Foiled in that bit of fun, he hauls himself together to head to the Center and warp over to Cherrygrove.]
yea don't touch the ears.
YEAH! asshole took my hospitality AND made off with my psychic cat! i was taking care of him cause he needed it. i always took care of him, and that's what he does. he's not here anymore, but i never got my friggin cat back.
i mean they probably don't LITERALLY shit it out from the same place they poop, but it looks like their asses just explode in a shower of money. and then i have more money.
[Sorry Jack, Newt's Espurr liked him immediately and doesn't want Newt's hand anywhere near the ears. It's fine, he can still trick him into doing other stupid stuff in the future.]
oh christ dude im sorry that really sucks
did he take any of ur other pokemon or just the cat. and why did he take the cat anyway?? like, u have dragons and shit
[Newt finds the bar easily enough. His Espurr clambers up onto his shoulder, which is the cutest fucking thing Newt has ever seen, while he continues typing his messages and just. Standing awkwardly outside. He's not sure if he should go in or just wait for Jack out here. Oh well.]
get this, he wasn't some random guy. he worked for me. basically my #2. and outta nowhere he screws me over and abandons me. left me for a bunch of dickweeds and some stripper looking chick.
i'd like to c anbody try and take one of my dragons. got a hell of a guard dog now 2.
almost there btw.
[Fast travel always leaves Jack woozy, and here it's even worse. He shoots off a text as he takes a minute to let the sensations pass. After a few minutes he's heading to the bar. He's in his trademark yellow Hyperion jersey and a pair of jeans, a string of pokeballs hanging from his belt. An elaborately coiffed Debutante cut Furfrou is with him. Wearing a fancy sunhat and sunglasses and jewelry. She's dressed better than Jack.]
[Thankfully the bar is just down from the center.]
[Newt's spare trainer clothes were a white button up shirt, red tie, and black pants. They came with a lab coat, goggles, and- inexplicably- an empty flask, which he's left back at the hotel. They also came with glasses in his prescription, which he'd put on the instant he'd noticed them back in New Bark Town. His old contacts are lying somewhere in the grass at the beginning of Route 29, never to be worn again.
Wearing this, Newt looks the same as he did back in 2025, and almost feels like the last ten years never happened. That he's still the rock star who saved the world and stopped the Kaiju.
His Tynamo notices Jack first, wiggling excitedly and headbutting Newt to get his attention.]
Oh shit- hey dude! I love your dog. She looks fantastic.
Taylor Swift- really? Not even Miss Ke$ha? Miss Nicki Minaj?
[He takes the paw happily, though.]
Ah, whatever. She's fabulous.
This is my starter- she's a Tynamo! It's like, an electric eel that levitates. I'm still not sure what to name her, but I'm leaning more towards Yamarashi.
Ugh, what are you smoking? Miss Swift is the queen, greatest musical talent of all time. Don't get me wrong, I am a big fan of Minaj, she had a good sound, but Taylor Swift...
[Jack lets out a sigh. she's a musical goddess, as far as he's concerned. Her songs speak the depths of his soul.]
Anyway, that is pretty cool, actually. I gotta look those up, wouldn't mind having one of my own. I'm guessing it's an electric type?
[He gestures for Newt to join him and head into the bar, Pokemon in tow. So far this guy seems alright - musical opinions aside. Definitely better company than random kids on the network.]
[Hell, the fact that he actually knows who Taylor Swift and Nicki Minaj are is a step above most people here.]
[Newt's not gonna argue about musical taste, at least not right now. He's grinning, though.]
You're damn right she's cool! And yeah, she's electric type. I think someone told me that she doesn't have any weaknesses, because she can levitate? Which is kickass.
[Into the bar they go!
Newt's already feeling pretty good about this whole thing. Jack seems to be a chill dude, and he's been nice enough to come all this way just to get drinks with him. And sure, there's that odd feeling in the back of his mind, that something is just a little bit off here, with Jack, but so what? Newt's always been paranoid. More so in the last few years. Jack seems fine. He shouldn't worry about it.
Inexplicably, Newt remembers Hannibal Chau. Which is really weird, because it's been years since Newt's even though about him.
No shit? Now that's an advantage! I only have Taylor out 'cause the other ones are big. I'll show ya after have a few drinks!
[No weaknesses...yeah, Jack needs one of those things. He makes a mental note to look into them later.]
[Obviously happy to take the lead, he picks a booth and signals for a waitress. No one finds it odd that his Furfrou hops into the both next to him, sitting primly.]
Hey, can we get a couple of beers and a couple of shots of whiskey? See, we've kind of had a weird and not awesome time just lately, and this dude? This dude needs to relax. So uh...check up regularly, yeah?
[Jack points at Newt before very obviously slipping a little cash the waitress's way.]
Oh, an throw on a plate of those big soft pretzel things you guys do here, with the dipping cheese? Holy crap, those things are good! Uh, make it two, Taylor loves those things, too. That'll get us started!
[Newt's absolutely ok with Jack taking the lead here, because 1: Newt doesn't know what the fuck he's doing, and 2: Newt's trying to horde the money he has for as long as he can, at least until he gets a job.
Espurr remains curled onto his shoulder, content to stay there. The Tynamo, meanwhile, darts around the bar, curiously exploring the place. She stays out of people's way as best as she can.
Far as I can tell! I got some that'll eat friggin anything. Plant ones probably don't eat meat, but...
[Jack shrugs. D.B eats all kinds of people food, and plenty of his others eat stuff that falls on the floor or he leaves out and forgets about.]
[Taylor happily accepts more attention.]
Pokemon are weird. Really, really weird. If you're into alien biology, you're gonna have a friggin field day. Biology's not my thing, I'm a computer guy, so I don't understand how most of'em work. But you got it made, sport.
Ok, cool! [Once the food comes, he's gonna gently wake up the Espurr and hand her a pretzel, which she happily begins to nibble.]
Yeah, dude, weird biology is my shit. Computers, though- my uncle basically raised me on learning about electronics and mechanical engineering as a kid. So that's also my shit.
No shit? Yeah, I'm engineering and complex coding - the real deep level programming shit. I designed and oversaw the building of a whole badass station! My station, actually. And some preeeetttty sweet robots - full AI, but we've kinda scrapped that. That...that was a bad idea, for everybody involved. I mean we were basically setting ourselves up for a robot rebellion, so I...I put the stomp on that whole thing.
[Jack laughs and immediately goes for his drinks when they come, shot first and then the beer.]
I dunno where the hell you can get one, they're super rare, but there's a Pokemon that's literally organic computer code. I got one, L33t Duck. Didn't bring him with me, though.
Where I'm from, we weren't able to get quite that advanced, technology-wise, but we probably would've been on track if it weren't for, you know, alien monsters invading. But we built giant robots that could punch the shit out of giant monsters, so, you know- a good trade-off.
Our robots don't have AI, either, they run using the neural energy of their pilots. ... Were they, like, already starting to have world domination plots and rebellious leanings, or did you just take away their AI as a preemptive thing?
[Newt is a little too distracted with talking and petting Taylor to even notice his drinks are here. It's fine he'll grab the shot in a minute.]
Yeah I'm gonna guess you're from Earth, sometime later than a lot of people here but not before...whatever the hell happened so that people don't live on Earth anymore.
Or in that galaxy.
[It's not like anyone remembers. Jack only really knows anything about Earth itself thanks to being here. He'd never even known if it was real or not - that shit was thousands of years ago.]
That's cool, though, that's cool. Alien's screw everything up, had to kick some off my space station a few years ago. It was a...a whole big thing.
Just getting difficult, ya know? Not wanting to do their jobs, bitching about shit, spending way too much time looking at robo-porn... only had one actually turn on me, but that...that was when I knew fully programmed AIs were a bad idea.
[And people say he never learns from his mistakes...]
Uh...so sometimes we just get Pokemon? Or eggs? Know idea from where, or why. He was one of'em.
I mean, aliens don't screw everything up, it's probably not fair to judge all species from other planets on the basis of certain species being hell-bent on ruining everything.
Oh, dude, you've gotta tell me about your space station. That's awesome.
... That kinda just sounds like people, you know? Like they were acting like... people. I mean, I don't always wanna do work but that doesn't mean I should have my free will ripped out, right?
Yeah, you said something about getting dinosaurs from eggs... Dude, I really gotta get myself some eggs.
Ah ha ha...yeah, give it a couple thousand years. Trust me, aliens always screw everything up. I've dealt with'em enough, I know what I'm talking about.
[Of course the only real aliens Jack's familiar with are Eridians, but as far as he can tell, those are the only aliens there are. Probably.]
Oh man, Helios is amazing. Biggest, most advanced space station there is. We've got entire floors that are just terrestrial habitats. The most development and research labs of any facility, Hyperion or some other assholes. Biggest mall in the galaxy. Over a dozen orgy rooms. Medical facilities that'd blow your mind!
[It's clear that Jack really, really loves his space station.]
Okay, but you weren't soldered together out of scrap metal and programmed to be a garbage can. Trash cans and toasters and shit aren't supposed to have free will. It's way better to just not let them develop free will in the first place.
Oh, yeah, all Pokemon come from eggs. All of them.
I mean, I'm not gonna argue because I dunno what the aliens are like where you're from, but I dunno. Doesn't seem right to assume they're all gonna be evil.
I dunno, dude- if my toaster wants to develop free will, then fuck yeah! Live your best life, toaster! Like, that's awesome, at least from a scientific breakthrough perspective.
... All of them? Even the ones that look like mammals? [Newt looks at his Espurr curiously.]
They don't gotta be evil to screw everything up. Aliens are...they're alien! They don't think like us or see the world like us or anything like that.
[He's not sure Eridians have the capacity to be 'good' or 'evil'. They just are. And they do their own thing and people either get in the way or don't.]
Well, yeah, but from a practical running a company standpoint? Sucks major bullymong balls. There's plenty of people making like...other kinds of robots that have AI. Hell, sexbots is a huge business. But Hyperion's not manufacturing labor or defense bots with self awareness.
[Not anymore.]
Yup. That came out of an egg. That was laid by another one. Have fun with that!
text
[He's also laughing his ass off at the message that pops up.
wow do they have txting where u come from or r u just really this bad at it?
or r u really bad at flirting?
i no i can b an overwhelming presence and evrything but what is happening here? its like a stroke in word form.
lemme fix that 4 u. 'hey dude i'm in cherrygrove, meet u at the bar'. there.
and i will.
meet u at the bar i mean.
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I KNOW HOW 2 TEXT IM JUST NOT USED 2 THESE POKEGEARS YET ADN I HIT ENTER BY MISTAKE AND IM NOT USUALLY LIKE THIS
[thats a lie]
OK. ok. im still @ my new hotel room, are u already in cherrygrove? i'll head 2 the bar soon ive got a cat on my back and its like a crime to wake a cat up when its laying on u and comfy
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chillax. ur pretty hi strung huh?
violet but i can fast travel. brought my dragon.
yea u haven't met my cats. little bastards...
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Mine's pretty cool so far! she's something called an Espurr? rlly cute. i found her in my bag trying to steal my stuff bcause she was hungry and i gave her some food and she decided to adopt me i think
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....u read up on those guys yet? used to have 1, till an asshole stole it from me. wonder whatever happened 2 that thing...
i got meowth. they poop money 1 time a day, and bring home shiny stuff.
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someone stole ur pokemon?? that sucks dude
... ok do they LITERALLY shit money bcause thats cool but also really really gross
[The Espurr on Newt's back yawns and stretches, hopping off of him gracefully. Finally free, Newt himself rolls off the bed, wincing at the sharp, stabbing pain in his muscles. God, he really needs a couple days to rest after this.
But the bar trip comes first.
It doesn't take too long for Newt to get ready. He changes into his spare clothes- and GOD, he really needs to buy some new ones too when he gets the chance, but he only made a little change from his first couple battles and he doesn't want to blow all his savings on a new leather jacket. Yet.
Newt wakes up his Tynamo, grabs his Espurr and holds her in his arms, and heads out to find the bar.]
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yea don't touch the ears.
YEAH! asshole took my hospitality AND made off with my psychic cat! i was taking care of him cause he needed it.
i always took care of him, and that's what he does. he's not here anymore, but i never got my friggin cat back.
i mean they probably don't LITERALLY shit it out from the same place they poop, but it looks like their asses just explode in a shower of money. and then i have more money.
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oh christ dude im sorry that really sucks
did he take any of ur other pokemon or just the cat. and why did he take the cat anyway?? like, u have dragons and shit
[Newt finds the bar easily enough. His Espurr clambers up onto his shoulder, which is the cutest fucking thing Newt has ever seen, while he continues typing his messages and just. Standing awkwardly outside. He's not sure if he should go in or just wait for Jack out here. Oh well.]
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get this, he wasn't some random guy. he worked for me. basically my #2.
and outta nowhere he screws me over and abandons me. left me for a bunch of dickweeds and some stripper looking chick.
i'd like to c anbody try and take one of my dragons. got a hell of a guard dog now 2.
almost there btw.
[Fast travel always leaves Jack woozy, and here it's even worse. He shoots off a text as he takes a minute to let the sensations pass. After a few minutes he's heading to the bar. He's in his trademark yellow Hyperion jersey and a pair of jeans, a string of pokeballs hanging from his belt. An elaborately coiffed Debutante cut Furfrou is with him. Wearing a fancy sunhat and sunglasses and jewelry. She's dressed better than Jack.]
[Thankfully the bar is just down from the center.]
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Wearing this, Newt looks the same as he did back in 2025, and almost feels like the last ten years never happened. That he's still the rock star who saved the world and stopped the Kaiju.
His Tynamo notices Jack first, wiggling excitedly and headbutting Newt to get his attention.]
Oh shit- hey dude! I love your dog. She looks fantastic.
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[Jack is practically beaming. Newt has already started this off on the right foot.]
Meet Miss Taylor Swift, a gift from my kid. She's the epitome of her species, look at her! Yeah, that's my favorite girl! Say hi.
[The Furfrou in question steps daintily forward and offers Newt her paw. Her toe claws are painted dark pink.]
Now what the hell is that thing throwing itself against you? I've never seen one of those things, it looks like a fish, but...it's not, is it?
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[He takes the paw happily, though.]
Ah, whatever. She's fabulous.
This is my starter- she's a Tynamo! It's like, an electric eel that levitates. I'm still not sure what to name her, but I'm leaning more towards Yamarashi.
[The Tynamo wiggles cheerfully.]
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[Jack lets out a sigh. she's a musical goddess, as far as he's concerned. Her songs speak the depths of his soul.]
Anyway, that is pretty cool, actually. I gotta look those up, wouldn't mind having one of my own. I'm guessing it's an electric type?
[He gestures for Newt to join him and head into the bar, Pokemon in tow. So far this guy seems alright - musical opinions aside. Definitely better company than random kids on the network.]
[Hell, the fact that he actually knows who Taylor Swift and Nicki Minaj are is a step above most people here.]
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[Newt's not gonna argue about musical taste, at least not right now. He's grinning, though.]
You're damn right she's cool! And yeah, she's electric type. I think someone told me that she doesn't have any weaknesses, because she can levitate? Which is kickass.
[Into the bar they go!
Newt's already feeling pretty good about this whole thing. Jack seems to be a chill dude, and he's been nice enough to come all this way just to get drinks with him. And sure, there's that odd feeling in the back of his mind, that something is just a little bit off here, with Jack, but so what? Newt's always been paranoid. More so in the last few years. Jack seems fine. He shouldn't worry about it.
Inexplicably, Newt remembers Hannibal Chau. Which is really weird, because it's been years since Newt's even though about him.
Probably not important.]
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[No weaknesses...yeah, Jack needs one of those things. He makes a mental note to look into them later.]
[Obviously happy to take the lead, he picks a booth and signals for a waitress. No one finds it odd that his Furfrou hops into the both next to him, sitting primly.]
Hey, can we get a couple of beers and a couple of shots of whiskey? See, we've kind of had a weird and not awesome time just lately, and this dude? This dude needs to relax. So uh...check up regularly, yeah?
[Jack points at Newt before very obviously slipping a little cash the waitress's way.]
Oh, an throw on a plate of those big soft pretzel things you guys do here, with the dipping cheese? Holy crap, those things are good! Uh, make it two, Taylor loves those things, too. That'll get us started!
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Espurr remains curled onto his shoulder, content to stay there. The Tynamo, meanwhile, darts around the bar, curiously exploring the place. She stays out of people's way as best as she can.
Newt reaches over to give Taylor more pets.]
So, human food's alright for Pokemon?
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[Jack shrugs. D.B eats all kinds of people food, and plenty of his others eat stuff that falls on the floor or he leaves out and forgets about.]
[Taylor happily accepts more attention.]
Pokemon are weird. Really, really weird. If you're into alien biology, you're gonna have a friggin field day. Biology's not my thing, I'm a computer guy, so I don't understand how most of'em work. But you got it made, sport.
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Yeah, dude, weird biology is my shit. Computers, though- my uncle basically raised me on learning about electronics and mechanical engineering as a kid. So that's also my shit.
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[Jack laughs and immediately goes for his drinks when they come, shot first and then the beer.]
I dunno where the hell you can get one, they're super rare, but there's a Pokemon that's literally organic computer code. I got one, L33t Duck. Didn't bring him with me, though.
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Where I'm from, we weren't able to get quite that advanced, technology-wise, but we probably would've been on track if it weren't for, you know, alien monsters invading. But we built giant robots that could punch the shit out of giant monsters, so, you know- a good trade-off.
Our robots don't have AI, either, they run using the neural energy of their pilots. ... Were they, like, already starting to have world domination plots and rebellious leanings, or did you just take away their AI as a preemptive thing?
[Newt is a little too distracted with talking and petting Taylor to even notice his drinks are here. It's fine he'll grab the shot in a minute.]
Oh, dude, really? How'd you get yours?
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Or in that galaxy.
[It's not like anyone remembers. Jack only really knows anything about Earth itself thanks to being here. He'd never even known if it was real or not - that shit was thousands of years ago.]
That's cool, though, that's cool. Alien's screw everything up, had to kick some off my space station a few years ago. It was a...a whole big thing.
Just getting difficult, ya know? Not wanting to do their jobs, bitching about shit, spending way too much time looking at robo-porn... only had one actually turn on me, but that...that was when I knew fully programmed AIs were a bad idea.
[And people say he never learns from his mistakes...]
Uh...so sometimes we just get Pokemon? Or eggs? Know idea from where, or why. He was one of'em.
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Oh, dude, you've gotta tell me about your space station. That's awesome.
... That kinda just sounds like people, you know? Like they were acting like... people. I mean, I don't always wanna do work but that doesn't mean I should have my free will ripped out, right?
Yeah, you said something about getting dinosaurs from eggs... Dude, I really gotta get myself some eggs.
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[Of course the only real aliens Jack's familiar with are Eridians, but as far as he can tell, those are the only aliens there are. Probably.]
Oh man, Helios is amazing. Biggest, most advanced space station there is. We've got entire floors that are just terrestrial habitats. The most development and research labs of any facility, Hyperion or some other assholes. Biggest mall in the galaxy. Over a dozen orgy rooms. Medical facilities that'd blow your mind!
[It's clear that Jack really, really loves his space station.]
Okay, but you weren't soldered together out of scrap metal and programmed to be a garbage can. Trash cans and toasters and shit aren't supposed to have free will. It's way better to just not let them develop free will in the first place.
Oh, yeah, all Pokemon come from eggs. All of them.
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I dunno, dude- if my toaster wants to develop free will, then fuck yeah! Live your best life, toaster! Like, that's awesome, at least from a scientific breakthrough perspective.
... All of them? Even the ones that look like mammals? [Newt looks at his Espurr curiously.]
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[He's not sure Eridians have the capacity to be 'good' or 'evil'. They just are. And they do their own thing and people either get in the way or don't.]
Well, yeah, but from a practical running a company standpoint? Sucks major bullymong balls. There's plenty of people making like...other kinds of robots that have AI. Hell, sexbots is a huge business. But Hyperion's not manufacturing labor or defense bots with self awareness.
[Not anymore.]
Yup. That came out of an egg. That was laid by another one. Have fun with that!
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