Handsome Jack here! I'm way too busy being awesome to answer the phone, but tell me why you're calling and if you're important enough, your people will hear from my people.
Yeah, I like Dirk! He's a good kid. [By Jack's standards.] Fun to talk to, really liked my unicorn. And Carly's my favorite, she sends me Pokemon she thinks I'd like.
[And sometimes reminds Jack of his own daughter, which inspires a bit of fondness.]
Florida girl...oh, the yelly chick in the woods? Holy shit, she's got spunk! You know when they say somebody's a firecracker? That's her, that is what they mean. I've only talked to her once, but hell, she'd probably do okay in my world. But yeah, they're all kids. I've really had to adjust my topics of conversation around here.
Fair enough. I just try not to drop many f-bombs on the public network or share any sordid details, and I spend a lotta time talking about Pokemon. Which okay, yeah, this world is obsessed with them. But I'm not that dude who's life is his pets.
[He's never going to be that guy. Even the ones he actually likes quite a bit and puts effort into.]
I mean...glad ya did, things worked out pretty friggin well! Once you figured out I go both ways, anyway. Oh, by the way, since I remembered you come from olden times.... I'm not one of those guys who gets his masculinity and identity all wrapped up in whether or not he's top bunk or bottom bunk if ya get my drift. They're both great.
It's just more fun that way! Switching it up, getting the best of both worlds...
[It's very clear exactly what Jack's view on sex is. Casual and easy going. It's not like this is even some rare move due to his circumstances, Jack's quick to make a move on anyone that's good looking and possibly amenable. And this is why. Even if nine times out of ten it doesn't get him anywhere...there's the one time it does.]
So yeah, you wanna call top, that's fine with me. Been a while since I got ridden good.
[Honestly it's been a damn long time since Jack was on the receiving end of things. It'd be nice. This is gonna be a good time, this was a good call.]
[Screw you, Jack Number Two, he hasn't lost his mojo at all.]
[It's a numbers game. Steven's familiar with the idea, from the days before hook-up apps. He'd done a fair amount of himself when he'd first moved back to San Diego, after he'd found the local gay scene.
But no, this is good. This is great. He's never been a romantic about relationships--he can romanticize people and ideas but that's different--and honestly? Casual is what he's comfortable with.]
Been a while since I've had a chance to ride.
[Honestly, what little he's had since escaping fairyland has mostly been in the way of handjobs and mutual masturbation.]
You like blowjobs, right?
[Because it occurs to Steven that if he doesn't have a mouthful of razors anymore, there's something he very much misses that he can finally do again.]
Seriously? Is there a human being into sex who doesn't like somebody's mouth on their junk? No, no there is not.
[Though...it's not always something Jack actually gets to indulge in, thanks to his expensive enhancements. Like he wasn't going to use part of his unfathomable fortune to make sure his dick was perfectly properly proportionate to the rest of him.]
Hope you don't got a gag reflex, though. Not bragging, just a fact.
[Now this takes Jack wayyy back! Considering the medical tech available to high level employees, it's not something he's had to even think about since he was college aged.]
Not STD tests specifically, but health care's basically free and there's just general wellness checks that cover everything. I'm good to go, I get a checkup every couple of months.
[Just...in general. He's aware of his age, and painfully aware that he no longer has his small army of pills, shots, and treatments to keep him in the condition of a much younger man. He's gotta be careful.]
But hey! Kudos to you for being smart about safe sex. And in that vein, yes, I've got protection. And I promise they don't even have Pokemon faces on them. They do make those.
There's Pokemon on everything! It's harder to find stuff without it!
[It's insane, but like the music, just sort of becomes part of the daily reality. After a couple of years, you don't even notice it anymore, it's just how the world works. The sky is blue, rain is wet, Pokemon are everything.]
Shit, that sucks! You really do come from the dark ages. I haven't had to worry about that kind of thing since I got off my shitty planet. Medical advancements...hoo boy, I could blow your mind! Shit, I got a prosthetic face! That's how good we're talking. So I'm usually more concerned with safe words and establishing boundaries - letting ya know now, I don't do any kink without safe words and stop codes and everything.
[It's always so nice to be able to just discuss this stuff plainly and without anybody getting weird or embarrassed. Another reason Jack prefers partners in his own age range, they're way more relaxed about discussing things beforehand.]
[You know, Jack might basically be a Silicon Valley Asshole from the far future, but he's a pretty good guy when it counts. Steven's glad he decided to private message him when he did.
And god, it's nice to have someone he can trust on this level. Someone he doesn't have to worry about being respectable around. It's so damn tiring, sometimes, always having to guard what you say around people.
He doesn't have to with Jack. And that's so good.]
Oh you're damn right you would! It's friggin amazing! Digistruct technology...it's basically converting energy into matter. You can digistruct anything! I made a new car every week!
[And Jack didn't even need a car most of the time, how often did he actually go planetside? Only when he was on vacation at one of his resort planets, usually.]
And space is...it's terrifying and deadly and so disturbingly empty but it's cool as shit. My casino was right at the edge of this black hole, I had it fixed in place so it wouldn't get sucked in.... my room had a window wall and I used to just put on that trippy meditation music, turn off all the lights, get high and just watch the black hole swirl around.
[Just a bit wistfully,] Sounds great. [No, it really does. Slightly terrifying, but there's a part of Steven that likes the idea of being so close to something dangerous and terrifying, but being able to know he's completely safe.]
I guess that's legal too in space?
[He's never been much for using drugs himself, to be honest--too easy to get in trouble that way--but he does support decriminalization.]
Yeah nobody cares about drugs. I've smoked, snorted, huffed, licked and popped just about everything the galaxy has to offer! Not much of that around here, ya...ya really got to go to effort to refine the right berries.
[It's a pain. He figured there'd be at least a couple of Pokemon you could lick to get high, but he's licked a lot of Pokemon and has yet to get a buzz from it.]
But I mean pretty much everything is 'legal'? Either actually legal or there just aren't people to enforce actual laws on the frontier planets. Not that we aren't trying!
Right. But it would be naturally harder to in a place without much infrastructure, which you'd assume frontier planets to be. Are there aliens?
[He's caught between hoping there are and maybe hoping there aren't, just because he can imagine what would happen to indigenous alien races in an interplanetary 'frontier.']
No...well...yeah, I guess by your definition. There's native animals and bugs and stuff. But there's not much in the way of sentient alien life left, they packed up and fucked off to some other dimension a while ago.
[Jack just shrugs. As far as he's concerned the Eridians should never return. Creepy ass mofos, at least from what they left behind that he's seen.]
They left some guardian things behind around their treasure troves and shit, but they're like...drone monster things. We find their tech laying around sometimes.
I've made some pretty sweet gadgets with salvaged Eridian tech, you are right on that! Really gave me an edge over the other companies.
[Among other things. But he's the sort of guy who's willing to mess around with dangerous alien artifacts in the hopes of stumbling on something good.]
So hey, you're pre-expansion! What kinda music you into? I love the old stuff, best friggin music ever made!
[He can never pass up the chance to talk music with people who'd actually lived on Earth.]
Oh god, I'm not sure where to start. I mean, I like a lot of things. Hell, I even like showtunes, much as I hate to play into the stereotype, but I did a lot of theatre in high school and college, so.
[He shrugs and laughs, a bit ruefully.]
I mean, when I was a teenager, my favorite band was the Smashing Pumpkins? They had this sort of, I don't know, orchestral quality, almost? 'Tonight, Tonight,' god, that's still one of my favorites. And 'Disarm.' That's another good one. '1979.' Right now, I think my favorite artist is Patrick Wolf, probably? Andrew Bird's pretty good too.
But man, Patrick Wolf. There's this one song of his, 'Overture,' I just-- I love it. I love it so much, it's probably my favorite song these days, it's so good.
It's wonderful what a smile can hide If the teeth shine right and it's nice and wide It's so magical what you can keep inside And if you bury it deep no one can find a thing, no.
[Then he shakes his head.]
Except I don't really have the right voice for it. I'm a tenor, he's a baritone, god his voice is good, I swear, it goes straight to my b--
[He cuts himself off, but given how his cheeks have darkened a bit, Jack can probably guess what the word was meant to be.]
Oh yeah, I know the Smashing Pumpkins! Little bit on the drearier side for me, overall, but talented group.
[Now Jack did not expect an impromptu serenade when he brought up music, but he is not complaining. He's also practically tone deaf, so he can't tell if Steven's voice is in the right key for the song or anything like that. He's just enjoying this little surprise.]
Ha! Nice. No, no I get what ya mean, there's a couple that do it for me, too. Like Billy Idol. Holy shit did that dude have a voice! I mean...that is a voice I could fuck. And of course the goddess herself, Taylor Swift. There never was and never will be a greater musical genius or more beautiful voice in any world ever.
I mean, who doesn't love Billy Idol? God, just-- 'White Wedding'. I was still pretty much a baby when he was really big, but man, he was just-- God. I'm pretty sure my crush on James Marsters was entirely because he channeled Billy Idol his entire first season on Buffy.
Taylor Swift, though? "Teardrops on my guitar" Taylor Swift? Man, she must have gotten a lot better when I was stuck in El Pecador's basement. I mean, it was years, she probably could have.
[The poor Furfrou has been looking from one to the other, as they keep saying her name.]
Like...'Look What You Made Me Do', like 'Bad Blood', like 'Shake it Off', like 'Blank Space'. Shit I wish I had my Hpod with me, I got her entire collection. Songs, movies, commercials, tv spots...if she did it, I got it.
[He does note what Steven said, but he just tucks it away to possibly consider later. He's not that invested in the other guy at the moment, but...look, he likes the guy and he's out of friends. He needs a new one!]
She was incredible and it's a fucking sin you missed out on the height of her career.
Yeah, no, she hadn't recorded any of those before I got stuck on the other side of the Hedge and then when I was finally back, I was too busy trying to survive to pay too much attention to the music I missed.
But no, I believe you, it's not like there haven't been a bunch of other teenager musicians who got way better when they got older. I mean, Alanis.
Hey, maybe if we get lucky, one of the transplants later will come with an MP3 player with her on.
Mmm. In the very near future I'm gonna ask you about that, cuz I've played enough B'n'B and read enough fantasy comics to know I might actually be interested in your whole story, but for now...
[Jack knocks back his last shot and pulls out his wallet.]
How about we move this chat back to my place? I may not have any music from back home - nobody does, it sucks - but I got some local shit that's not bad. And it's actual vinyls, so that's pretty cool.
[Plus they're going back to Jack's place eventually anyway, this has already been established. But they're having fun, and it'd be nice to be able to start transitioning into the other half of the evening. Chatting and making out are always a nice combo to ease into banging somebody new.]
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[And sometimes reminds Jack of his own daughter, which inspires a bit of fondness.]
Florida girl...oh, the yelly chick in the woods? Holy shit, she's got spunk! You know when they say somebody's a firecracker? That's her, that is what they mean. I've only talked to her once, but hell, she'd probably do okay in my world. But yeah, they're all kids. I've really had to adjust my topics of conversation around here.
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[After a moment he adds,]
Which was why I messaged you privately. Because I wasn't going to talk about screwing around in front of a bunch of kids.
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[He's never going to be that guy. Even the ones he actually likes quite a bit and puts effort into.]
I mean...glad ya did, things worked out pretty friggin well! Once you figured out I go both ways, anyway. Oh, by the way, since I remembered you come from olden times.... I'm not one of those guys who gets his masculinity and identity all wrapped up in whether or not he's top bunk or bottom bunk if ya get my drift. They're both great.
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I prefer top bunk, but I can do both.
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[It's very clear exactly what Jack's view on sex is. Casual and easy going. It's not like this is even some rare move due to his circumstances, Jack's quick to make a move on anyone that's good looking and possibly amenable. And this is why. Even if nine times out of ten it doesn't get him anywhere...there's the one time it does.]
So yeah, you wanna call top, that's fine with me. Been a while since I got ridden good.
[Honestly it's been a damn long time since Jack was on the receiving end of things. It'd be nice. This is gonna be a good time, this was a good call.]
[Screw you, Jack Number Two, he hasn't lost his mojo at all.]
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But no, this is good. This is great. He's never been a romantic about relationships--he can romanticize people and ideas but that's different--and honestly? Casual is what he's comfortable with.]
Been a while since I've had a chance to ride.
[Honestly, what little he's had since escaping fairyland has mostly been in the way of handjobs and mutual masturbation.]
You like blowjobs, right?
[Because it occurs to Steven that if he doesn't have a mouthful of razors anymore, there's something he very much misses that he can finally do again.]
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[Though...it's not always something Jack actually gets to indulge in, thanks to his expensive enhancements. Like he wasn't going to use part of his unfathomable fortune to make sure his dick was perfectly properly proportionate to the rest of him.]
Hope you don't got a gag reflex, though. Not bragging, just a fact.
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[He says it off-handedly. Not bragging, just stating a fact.]
They have STD tests here? I was clean last time, but it's been a while.
[Hazards of being kidnapped by fairies.]
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Not STD tests specifically, but health care's basically free and there's just general wellness checks that cover everything. I'm good to go, I get a checkup every couple of months.
[Just...in general. He's aware of his age, and painfully aware that he no longer has his small army of pills, shots, and treatments to keep him in the condition of a much younger man. He's gotta be careful.]
But hey! Kudos to you for being smart about safe sex. And in that vein, yes, I've got protection. And I promise they don't even have Pokemon faces on them. They do make those.
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I'll make sure I get mine soon, then. And yeah, no, safe sex is a goddamn must for me. I've known people who died because they weren't careful.
[One of them was his favorite uncle.]
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[It's insane, but like the music, just sort of becomes part of the daily reality. After a couple of years, you don't even notice it anymore, it's just how the world works. The sky is blue, rain is wet, Pokemon are everything.]
Shit, that sucks! You really do come from the dark ages. I haven't had to worry about that kind of thing since I got off my shitty planet. Medical advancements...hoo boy, I could blow your mind! Shit, I got a prosthetic face! That's how good we're talking. So I'm usually more concerned with safe words and establishing boundaries - letting ya know now, I don't do any kink without safe words and stop codes and everything.
[It's always so nice to be able to just discuss this stuff plainly and without anybody getting weird or embarrassed. Another reason Jack prefers partners in his own age range, they're way more relaxed about discussing things beforehand.]
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[You know, Jack might basically be a Silicon Valley Asshole from the far future, but he's a pretty good guy when it counts. Steven's glad he decided to private message him when he did.
And god, it's nice to have someone he can trust on this level. Someone he doesn't have to worry about being respectable around. It's so damn tiring, sometimes, always having to guard what you say around people.
He doesn't have to with Jack. And that's so good.]
I think I'd like to see it. Your future.
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[And Jack didn't even need a car most of the time, how often did he actually go planetside? Only when he was on vacation at one of his resort planets, usually.]
And space is...it's terrifying and deadly and so disturbingly empty but it's cool as shit. My casino was right at the edge of this black hole, I had it fixed in place so it wouldn't get sucked in.... my room had a window wall and I used to just put on that trippy meditation music, turn off all the lights, get high and just watch the black hole swirl around.
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I guess that's legal too in space?
[He's never been much for using drugs himself, to be honest--too easy to get in trouble that way--but he does support decriminalization.]
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[It's a pain. He figured there'd be at least a couple of Pokemon you could lick to get high, but he's licked a lot of Pokemon and has yet to get a buzz from it.]
But I mean pretty much everything is 'legal'? Either actually legal or there just aren't people to enforce actual laws on the frontier planets. Not that we aren't trying!
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[He's caught between hoping there are and maybe hoping there aren't, just because he can imagine what would happen to indigenous alien races in an interplanetary 'frontier.']
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[Jack just shrugs. As far as he's concerned the Eridians should never return. Creepy ass mofos, at least from what they left behind that he's seen.]
They left some guardian things behind around their treasure troves and shit, but they're like...drone monster things. We find their tech laying around sometimes.
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I guess it's useful to scavenge stuff from? And, I mean, drive the future archaeologists wild.
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[Among other things. But he's the sort of guy who's willing to mess around with dangerous alien artifacts in the hopes of stumbling on something good.]
So hey, you're pre-expansion! What kinda music you into? I love the old stuff, best friggin music ever made!
[He can never pass up the chance to talk music with people who'd actually lived on Earth.]
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[He shrugs and laughs, a bit ruefully.]
I mean, when I was a teenager, my favorite band was the Smashing Pumpkins? They had this sort of, I don't know, orchestral quality, almost? 'Tonight, Tonight,' god, that's still one of my favorites. And 'Disarm.' That's another good one. '1979.' Right now, I think my favorite artist is Patrick Wolf, probably? Andrew Bird's pretty good too.
But man, Patrick Wolf. There's this one song of his, 'Overture,' I just-- I love it. I love it so much, it's probably my favorite song these days, it's so good.
[He starts to sing under his breath:]
It's wonderful what a smile can hide
If the teeth shine right and it's nice and wide
It's so magical what you can keep inside
And if you bury it deep no one can find a thing, no.
[Then he shakes his head.]
Except I don't really have the right voice for it. I'm a tenor, he's a baritone, god his voice is good, I swear, it goes straight to my b--
[He cuts himself off, but given how his cheeks have darkened a bit, Jack can probably guess what the word was meant to be.]
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[Now Jack did not expect an impromptu serenade when he brought up music, but he is not complaining. He's also practically tone deaf, so he can't tell if Steven's voice is in the right key for the song or anything like that. He's just enjoying this little surprise.]
Ha! Nice. No, no I get what ya mean, there's a couple that do it for me, too. Like Billy Idol. Holy shit did that dude have a voice! I mean...that is a voice I could fuck. And of course the goddess herself, Taylor Swift. There never was and never will be a greater musical genius or more beautiful voice in any world ever.
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Taylor Swift, though? "Teardrops on my guitar" Taylor Swift? Man, she must have gotten a lot better when I was stuck in El Pecador's basement. I mean, it was years, she probably could have.
[She did, Steven. She really did.]
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[The poor Furfrou has been looking from one to the other, as they keep saying her name.]
Like...'Look What You Made Me Do', like 'Bad Blood', like 'Shake it Off', like 'Blank Space'. Shit I wish I had my Hpod with me, I got her entire collection. Songs, movies, commercials, tv spots...if she did it, I got it.
[He does note what Steven said, but he just tucks it away to possibly consider later. He's not that invested in the other guy at the moment, but...look, he likes the guy and he's out of friends. He needs a new one!]
She was incredible and it's a fucking sin you missed out on the height of her career.
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But no, I believe you, it's not like there haven't been a bunch of other teenager musicians who got way better when they got older. I mean, Alanis.
Hey, maybe if we get lucky, one of the transplants later will come with an MP3 player with her on.
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[Jack knocks back his last shot and pulls out his wallet.]
How about we move this chat back to my place? I may not have any music from back home - nobody does, it sucks - but I got some local shit that's not bad. And it's actual vinyls, so that's pretty cool.
[Plus they're going back to Jack's place eventually anyway, this has already been established. But they're having fun, and it'd be nice to be able to start transitioning into the other half of the evening. Chatting and making out are always a nice combo to ease into banging somebody new.]
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let me know if you want to fade to black or go on!
I AM GOOD GOING ON! SMUT WARNING HERE ON OUT
OKAY I WILL TRY MY BEST AT WRITING THE PR0N
NO WORRIES!
Re: NO WORRIES!
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OKAY THIS IS WHERE THE DIRTY STUFF *REALLY* STARTS
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